Archive for December, 2010

I feel like Sideswipe after he kills this Audi (except that would never happen in real life cause Audis kick ass.)

At the end he says “Damn, I’m good.”  That’s how I feel, because in the time of my blog’s short existence, I have already sniped a few (obvious as they may be) calls:

1. “As bad as the players looked on Sunday, what was even worse for the Jets is that Rex Ryan has been exposed.” –5 things I learned during week 14 of the NFL (minus the Ravens-Texans Monday night game)

Rex Ryan has now been exposed as a foot loving, game losing, swagger lacking, phony of a coach.  We probably should have known the Jets were going to lose to the bears though, because the Patriots obliterated Da Bears slightly less harshly than they obliterated the Jets.  Thus, Da Bears are slightly better than the Jets, which isn’t saying much.  Since the Patriots exposing Rex Ryan as not all that everyone hyped him to be, the Jets lost to the Dolphins at home, tried to trip a player, and Ryan’s foot obsession has surfaced.  Ouch.

2. “Aaron Rodgers left the game with a concussion and they lost.  He is almost as important to the Packer’s offense as Peyton Manning is to the Colts’ offense.” -5 things I learned during week 14 of the NFL (minus the Ravens-Texans Monday night game)

Since Rodgers’ noggin slammed into the field, the Packers lost to the atrocious Lions and the Patriots.  Ok, maybe a bad day against Detroit, and New England beats everybody, so its understandable that Green Bay lost twice, right?  Think his absence doesn’t mean that much?  Think again.  As soon as he came  back, he threw for 400 yds and 4 tds 0 int, crushing the Giants 45-17.  And this wasn’t just a beatdown of some crappy team like the Panthers or 49ers or the Carson Palmers.  This game held serious playoff implications: if NYG won they essentially had the wild card locked up.

Related:  Aaron Rodgers not making the Pro Bowl is complete and utter mumbojumbo phony baloney horse sh*t nonsense.  I can understand Vick, but Brees and Matty Ice making it over Rodgers?  It’s only half bull that Brees made it over Rodgers even though Easy Breesy has thrown like four picks a game.  But Matty Ice?  Rodger’s passer rating is 3rd in the league, Ryan’s is 15th.  Rodger’s yards per attempt is 2nd in the league at 8.3, Ryan’s is 27th at 6.4.  Rodgers has more yards and more touchdowns despite missing time.  So what’s the argument here for Matt Ryan?  That he is on a a 1 seed team?  Guess what, Rodgers is going to make the playoffs as well, and when the Falcons and Packers squared off the Pack only lost by three IN ATLANTA.  Even if all of this didn’t matter, Aaron Rodgers still should have made the Pro Bowl just by default of Aaron Rodgers being the f**king man.  I love saying his name if you haven’t noticed.  Just look at how cool Aaron Rodgers looks.  Aaron Rodgers is so godamn cool.  Aaron Rodgers!!!!

He looks like that guy that is secretly smarter than everyone and acts witty and says the funniest sh*t.

Sidenote relating to the Giants because I briefly talked about them and feel like I won’t have a chance of mentioning this until September 2012 if there is a lockout:  I heard the funniest joke from my friend Paul:

Why can’t Eli Manning play primetime games?

Because like his Citizen Eco Drive, he’s powered by light.

3. “a big date with the first-place Falcons in Atlanta (where Matty Ice Ryan is 18-1 in his career) looms just two weeks away.  The way they’re playing, the Saints definitely have the assets to win.  While I can afford to look two weeks ahead into week 16, New Orleans can’t.  They must focus on their big meeting with the defensively-proficient 8-4 (probably 9-4 after Monday Night’s game) Ravens next week” -5 things I learned during week 14 of the NFL (minus the Ravens-Texans Monday night game)

Wow!  How many birds did I kill with this stone?  I think my snipe/sentences written ratio based off this is an exceptional 1.00.  Ok, so the Ravens beating the Texans was a gimme.  But gimme credit for telling the Saint-haters that they could go into ATL and win.  And that they couldn’t afford to look to far ahead, because they did, and lost to the Ravens, and now their chances of a 1 seed are all but dead.

4. “The Colts said F U to everyone who thought the Jags were going to win the AFC South.  They said to all the doubters and  haterade sippers, “Did you really think the Indy Colts were going to miss the playoffs?  The PLAYoffs, you kiddin’ me?  Playoffs? Don’t  talk about [missing the] playoffs!”” -You know what looked really really really strange?

Well well, the Colts beat the Jags, then they beat the Raiders, while the Jags lose to the Redskins.  The Redskins.  Real Native Americans could play better than the Redskins.  And the Jags lost to them.  For everyone that thought the Colts would not win the AFC South, you’re a fool.

Sidenote:  the post I pulled the quote from was titled “You know what looked really really really strange?”  Well, you know what looked even more strange?

So smart for sliding.  So damn smart.  Winners.

5. “The Packers delivered this reminder at the perfect time.  BB and Tom Brady will practice the s**t out of the team this week, eager to storm into Buffalo and make burgers out of the Bills.”

I’m pretty sure I saw Rob Gronkowski eating some buffalo burger last week.  Nope, wait, I DEFINITELY did.

So there it is, my young blog’s ability to get it right.  Did I purposely look for things that I called right?  Yup.  Did I get things wrong (like the Chiefs being in for a ride down the stretch, cause they weren’t?)  Yup.  Were most of these topics blatantly obvious?  Yup.  Am I just trying to promote myself?  Yup.  Are you probably sitting there thinking “this dude thinks he sniped all this but so did everyone else?”  Yup.  But damn, I’m good.

EVERYONE HAVE A SAFE AND EXCITING NEW YEARS.  2010 WAS A GREAT YEAR FOR ME, I HOPE IT WAS FOR YOU TOO.  HAPPY 2011!

Advertisements

More Rex Ripping

Posted: December 26, 2010 in sports
Tags: , , , ,

After a few days of nice holiday time with my family, I’m back to doing what I do best:  drink haterade and sh*t on New York.  So here’s a lame joke to kick things off:

What’s the difference between a normal guy with a foot fetish and Rex Ryan?

Rex Ryan is ridiculously obese and coaches a crap football team.

Shouldn’t we have known this all along though?  Or at least had a hunch?  I did snipe these two photos of Rex…

Here he was at practice or something sniffing out someone’s foot.  Judging by the yellowy hue of the appendage, my expert analysis suggests the foot belongs to an Asian person.

Here he is actually taking considerable chunks out of the victim!!  That has to be at least two suggested serving sizes.

Anyway, shouldn’t Rex be focusing on yelling at Braylon Edward-brickhands for dropping balls?  Or yelling at Revis Peninsula for tricking us into believing his “island” stranded opposing WRs and they would be trapped?  Or how about LT for straight up just being a D-bag?  Sucks for him, he has a foot fetish and he coaches a FOOTball team!  We should actually give him credit for posting up an inflated, false, but nevertheless, playoff worthy 10-5 record so far.  If I had a foot fetish and had to coach 53 men (that’s 106 feet) who are often barefoot in the locker room, my head would explode before the regular season even started.  I have no idea how he pulls it off… but I do have an idea for how to reduce Rex Ryan’s waist from 960 inches to a normal size:

I was pissed last night.  Pissed that the Patriots weren’t pummeling the Aaron Rodgers-less Packers by at least 21 points at the end of the first quarter.  Pissed that they went into the locker rooms at half without the lead.  Pissed that we only won by four points.  Yeah, I was pissed that we beat a very good playoff team.  Because the margin of victory was slim.  Am I an a**hole for for being angry that the Patriots barely beat the Packers when fans of the Panthers or Bills or Bengals would celebrate such a victory like it was a holiday?  Probably.  But guess what.  I’m from New England, and all we do is win, win, win, no matter what.  I expected a 28 point victory last night.  No joke.  Four touchdowns.  I expected Tom Brady to throw for 300+ yards and 3+ touchdowns, and I expected first time starter Matt Flynn to throw for less than 150 yards and at least 3 INT.  Give credit to the Packers, because none of that happened.  They gave it their all, and if Rodgers’ noggin was good to go, they probably would ended Brady’s four-year regular season home win streak.  I wasn’t the only one who was pissed last night.  Belichick and Brady were too.  Look out NFL, because you know what happens when BB and Tom are pissed, this:

You know what happens after this happens?  The Patriots fire up their afterburners and become more unstoppable than that train movie with Denzel and the main character from Star Trek.  The Pats tear apart their opponent, then maybe let them score a field goal, only so they have an excuse to drop 20 more points.  Sunday’s near loss surprised all of New England and served as a rude awakening for the Patriots.  Like the ’07 games against the Eagles and the Ravens, Sunday brought the superhuman Pats back to Earth.  Would I have liked to see a 40 point victory instead of a four point victory?  Of course.  But what this game brought to New England besides the W was a reminder that you can’t steamroll ’em all; you can’t afford to be sloppy against playoff caliber teams.

The Packers delivered this reminder at the perfect time.  BB and Tom Brady will practice the s**t out of the team this week, eager to storm into Buffalo and make burgers out of the Bills.  I’ll be at the next game after that, against the Dolphins, and I can’t wait to see the killa B’s (BB and Brady) put Dolphins on the endangered species list.  Here is my professional artist’s rendition of it:

The most recent case of lackluster Pats’ play prior to Sunday came against the Browns in a 34-14 defeat.  Take a wild guess at what happened over the next five games.  New England scored 39, 31, 45, 45, and 36 points in five obliterations of opponents, four of them coming against likely playoff teams.  Sunday was a similar situation (except we managed to get a win.)  The last time, five games of domination ensued.  You know what happens after five games this time around?  This:

The Colts behind the Jags in the AFC South coming into this week’s action.  Good thing Peyton Manning fixed that though.  Wait, did I really just say Peyton Manning?  I’m so used to owning this notion that Peyton Manning=Colts that I must have Freudian slipped my way past the Colt’s team effort against Jacksonville.  Sunday was a rare occasion, an occasion when an Indianapolis victory can not be attributed solely to Peyton Manning’s right arm.  Although he played well, the absent-all-year run game was even better.  You know what else has been absent all year that showed up against Jacksonville?  The run D.  And you know why they showed up when everybody thought Mojo Drew (who had six straight 100 yd games coming into Indy) was going to have himself a field day?  Because the Colts are winners.  The Colts are an elite team.  The Colts get their s**t together when they need to.  Sunday wasn’t the first time Indy’s run D halted a hot tailback in a pressure situation.  Back in Wild Card weekend of the ’06 season playoffs, the Colts, who had the league’s worse run D that year, faced an in-his-prime red hot Larry Johnson and the Chiefs.  Know what happened?  The Colts allowed LJ to run about as well as a 700lb Rex Ryan could.  And you know what happened about four weeks later?  Peyton Manning hoisted a Lombardi trophy.  I’m not saying that the Colts will win the Super Bowl this year, because obviously the Pats are going to, but what I am saying is that such a perennial winner doesn’t lose games like these.

The Colts said F U to everyone who thought the Jags were going to win the AFC South.  They said to all the doubters and  haterade sippers, “Did you really think the Indy Colts were going to miss the playoffs?  The PLAYoffs, you kiddin’ me?  Playoffs? Don’t  talk about [missing the] playoffs!”  And its a damn good thing they showed Jacksonville who’s boss.  Because if they didn’t that would mean serious down the road ramifications, detrimental to the NFL’s best interests.  I believe that it is best to have winners keep winning until they are no longer fundamentally sound or they lose their key players.  I’d hate to see the Colts miss the postseason because future superstar WR Austin Collie keeps unfortunately getting his dome rocked, because Dallas Clark is on IR, and because Indy is more depleted than my go-to joke bank after knowing somebody for more than a week.  Last time I checked, Peyton Manning still plays for Indy, which means it would be for the greater good of the NFL if the Colts (and Pats with Tom Terrific for that matter) play past the first week of Janurary.  If the Colts miss the playoffs, (and yes they still very easily can,) I would probably… probably… hmm… I don’t even know what I would do.  It would just be awkward.  It would be uncomfortable.  It would leave me bitter and thinking, “the Colts could’ve beaten them,” if I saw the Jags or Chiefs or Jets playing in a month.  I would be without a  matchup to look forward to for my beloved Pats.  Which AFC team would I root for if the Pats fell (which they won’t?)  The Steelers, who left my favorite non-Patriot NFL player, Larry Fitzgerald in tears following Santonio smoke-weed substance abuse Holmes’ Super Bowl catch?  By the way I’m still convinced he didn’t get that right toe down.  The Ravens, led by whacko Flacco, and Crayzed Lewis?  Don’t even get me started on the Jets.  C’mon Peyton, make it to the postseason.  Do it for Madden!  Put da team on yo back!

Please do.  Because you know what else happens if you don’t?  You finish in second place in the AFC South.  You know what happens, or better yet, doesn’t happen next year if you finish second?  You don’t play New England.  (The way the NFL scheduling works is you play the team that finished in their division the same place that you finished in yours, so for example, if the Colts finish first in the AFC South and the Pats finished first in the East then they play each other the following year.  That’s not the full extent of NFL scheduling but for the sake of saving space that’s what matters for next year between Indy and NE.  And yes the Pats are going to finish first.)  You know what happens if you don’t play New England next year?  I run around in circles pulling my hair out and then cry for 12 months.

The pivotal Colts-Pats game provides unparalleled excitement almost every year.  Think about the past few meetings.  ’06 AFC Championship game:  a Super Bowl berth is at stake.  The Pats roll into halftime with a 21-6 lead, only to lose 38-34 at the end.  ’07:  the unbeaten Pats fend off the unbeaten Colts, 24-21, the smallest margin of victory for the unbeaten Pats that year.  I say unbeaten because for some reason the playoffs didn’t exist that year.  I think the NFL decided to skip a Super Bowl or something.  February 3, 2008 is just a black square on my calender.  Anyway, ’08:  if it wasn’t for Jabar Gaffney dropping the easiest TD I’ve ever seen, (I could’ve caught it,) New England would’ve won, but another close game.  ’09: the Patriots jump out to an early lead, but the Colts come roaring back, stop Brady and company on a 4th and 2 to that would’ve sealed the game, and win, putting a damper on and essentially killing the ’09 Pats’ season.  This year: same deal as last year, except this time it was our defense that made the big play, picking off Manning.  As awkward as it would be seeing a playoff picture without Indianapolis, I think it would be ever awkwardererer seeing a Colts-less Patriots’ schedule.  As a fan of a perennial powerhouse, there must exist that one equal.  The one that is there with your team every step of the way.  The one that has your team’s number half the time.  The one that, if they dropped off, you’d feel something missing.  Thank the heavens the Colts beat the Jags Sunday.  Keep up with the Pats, Peyton, I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.

Did you notice how Peyton and Eli completely ignored the third Manning brother?  What terrible brothers!  But I bet you not only failed to notice how they ignored their brother, you didn’t even notice the presence of The Forgotten One.  Cooper Manning.  Did you even know a third Manning brother existed?  Man, how much must it suck to be him?  I wonder how many people recognize The Forgotten One on the street.  Scratch that, I wonder how many people who know Cooper know he’s the brother of Peyton and Eli.  What does he even do for a living?  Does he work a miserable 9-5 where every single coworker of his is talking about Peyton or Eli on Monday morning?  Can he support a family?  Maybe when Peyton and Eli are feeling charitable they donate to the Forgotten Brothers of America Foundation.  Damn, it must really blow to be the butt end of all Manning family jokes.  I can see their Thanksgiving dinner table scene going down like this:

Peyton: You know Eli, you shouldn’t wear your Super Bowl ring on your throwing hand.  The ginormous 1,000,000 karat diamonds are so heavy that they can mess with the professional-caliber throwing mechanics that we both inherited from dad.  I learned that from my buddy Tom, who has three Super Bowl Rings, more than our whole family combined!

Eli: Aww shucks, Peyton.  You’re so right.  You’re always right.  You’re so much better than me in every single way.   I always wondered why you wear your Super Bowl ring on your left hand.  Aren’t these rings so cool?

The Forgotten One: F**k you guys.  I’m getting turkey.

Papa Archie: Ah ah ah!  Watch it Cooper!  The two legs on the turkey are reserved for NFL quarterbacks only.  Why don’t you cut yourself a portion of the lesser meat.

How does he feel taking all the s**t from the two brothers?  I bet he takes extra extra crap from Peyton and Eli, because Peyton gives Eli crap for sucking at the NFL so much, so Eli passes Peyton’s crap onto The Forgotten One along with the crap he was originally going to give him anyway!  Does that make sense?  Throw in some direct Peyton–>Cooper crap just for good measure.  And you know what the worst part about it is?  Wait for it… wait for it… The Forgotten One is the oldest of the trio!  Isn’t the oldest sibling supposed to the the man of the house?  The dominant figure?  The one that younger brothers look up too?  Oh man, sucks to be Cooper Manning!

WHOA!!!!

Posted: December 17, 2010 in sports

WHOA!!!!  My homie Casey Mac showed me this:

The expression on my face while watching that crazy kid looked something like this:

This is beyond madness!  This isn’t even Sparta!  I mean that kid is nine years old!!!! Nine!!!! What could you do when you were nine?  Basic algorithm?  Super Smash Brothers?  This little dude’s life is set!  Have you ever seen a kid with a brighter future?  I even heard Santa fired Rudolph to hire this kid’s future to guide his sleigh through one foggy Christmas Eve.  If he’s not in the NHL in 10 years I will give you my first born! Not really though.  But you know what I will do with my children?

1.  I’m naming my first boy Tom.

2.  I’m naming my second boy Brady.

3.  I’m breeding them both to be superstar athletes.

4.  Don’t ask me what I’m gonna do if I have girls.

I envision both little Tom and Brady to look something like this at the age of 1.  This is totally not a picture of me by the way.

I’m going to have both little Jus develop an immaculate golf swing in the summer, which will translate into supreme chick-magnet ability a la Tiger Woods’.  But during fall winter and spring, one of my boys will specialize in precise ball projecting–he’s going to become a star quarterback, knockdown bball shooter, and lights-out pitcher.  Instead of watching Toy Story, he’ll be watching Tom Brady’s throwing motion, Ray Allen’s buttery shot, and Jon Lester’s delivery.  The other mini-Ju will become a 4.2 second 40 yd dash, spectacular catch, wide receiver, dangle-sauce hockey player, and power hitting slugger.   Instead of watching The Lion King, he’ll be watching film of Larry Fitzgerald, Sidney Crosby, and Albert Pujols’ swing.  In their off days, they’ll also focus on freestyle skiing, which everyone needs to see more of! It’s amazing!

Damn, my kids are going to be the most popular kids at school.  And while both of my boys will be playing offensive positions in football, they will still be able to hold their own if they ever have to play defense.  They’ll be able to hit as hard as this six-year-old by the time they’re five:  (skip to the 24 second mark if you’re really too lazy to fully watch a 30 second clip.)

Pause from my kids for a second.  Did you see that six year old’s hit?! How many supplements does the kid in the black uniform take?  What’s his bench weight at?  Don’t tell me you didn’t either crack up uncontrollably or look something like that jungle creature I posted above.  The poor victim flew like 10 feet!  Holy s**t!  Is that child still alive?  Does his body still function?

By the way, which toddler-toss is better, this, or Ben Stiller in Tropic Thunder?

Anyway, I’m going to have the coolest kids imaginable.  The only dilemma I can see with me breeding my children to become super athletes is, what if they play each other in the future?  What if Tom can’t throw Brady a record 24 TD passes in an NFL season (breaking the Brady-Moss 23 in ’07) because they don’t play on the same team?  I wish I could ask Archie Manning, but it’s just not the same!  I can’t choose between two MVPs!  Archie has it easy, he has one MVP and one scrub of a s**thead who got his job only because his big bro is Peyton Manning.  Yup, thats the only problem I can imagine with force-feeding my children egregious amounts of sports information and knowledge.  Nothing else.

Crap, I’m gonna be the worst dad ever.  But hot damn, I’m going to have some super children.

Last time I checked…

Posted: December 16, 2010 in sports
Tags: , , , ,

Ankles aren’t supposed to bend 90 degrees sideways.

This ankle sprain usually spells lingering trouble for an ordinary basketball player, like inferior guards such as Derrick Rose.  Luckily for us Celtics fans, Rajon Rondo aka my favorite player in the NBA/the flyest baller on the face of the earth/the most stylish dude ever/jump out of seat ridonkidonk point guard is no ordinary basketball player.  He’ll bounce back strongly in a few weeks, because ballers that do this:

possess super-human abilities.  (By the way, even his webpage is stylish!  http://www.rajonrondo9.com/)  Rondo leads the NBA in assists, averaging over three dimes more per game than number two Steve Nash.  Not only does he dish the rock, but RR’s ability to single-handedly electrify an arena and control the pace of a game is enough for me to watch the Celtics long after the big three retires.  If he’s zipping around the court it’s a quick back and forth game, but if for some reason he’s having an off-night, the game speed slows down.  Teams around the NBA should try to develop more Rondo like point-guards rather than point-scorers; there are four other players on the court that can be given the bucket sinking task.  Even though a team may lose point production from their PG, this loss is made up for, and then some, by the point guard finding wide open looks for his teammates.  Along with a conglomeration of awesome that defines “awesome,” Rondo defines the point guard position.  The Celtics this season can be summed up by this chemical equation:

9Rr (g) + 34Pp (g) + 5Kg (g) + 20Ra (g) + 36Sq (g) + BeNCH (g) –> Championship

Notice all of the elements’ states are (g) for great.  Note that bench is also key compound in making a championship team.  Until Rajon comes back, his void will be filled by the little guy.  I hold the greatest confidence that he will play better than he celebrates.

Sidenote:  Fun fact of the day!  Assists are nicknamed dimes in basketball because back in the 1960s, a pay phone cost dime.  Every time you call someone, you’re making a connection, so the term transferred into basketball, substituting for “assist,” so one day people could write “Rajon Rondo must be rich off all his dimes!”

What do you guys think?  Comment!  Subscribe!

New York is so unique right now.  Unique in that no other city is enduring a couple of the most horrific sports weeks in recent memory, while Boston sports teams are flourishing.  And I’m lovin’ every bit of it.  Lets take a closer look at the past few weeks:

Football

New York

  • Rex Ryan talks trash (big surprise there)
  • The Jets fail to score a touchdown as the Patriots steamroll them 45-3
  • The following week, the Jets show they are no more than an average football team by once again failing to score a touchdown in a defeat against the Dolphins, in New York
  • The Jets resort to dangerous cheating, as strength coach Sal Alosi instructs 5 players to stand in a wall as he tries to trip Nolan Carroll.  He receives an indefinite suspension
  • Giants’ WR Steve Smith undergoes knee surgery, out for season

Boston

  • Bill Belichick makes a joke out of Rex Ryan’s trash talking
  • The Patriots do not allow the Jets a touchdown, as they steamroll Gang Green 45-3
  • The following week, the Patriots show they are no less than the best team in the NFl, by once again smoking an opponent in a 36-7 Bear-killing, in Chicago, in blizzard-like conditions
  • The Patriots resort to stomping opponents with passing, rushing, defense, and special teams.  All Patriots staff and players are eligible to participate in week 15.
  • All Patriots WRs stay healthy

I won’t rip on Steve Smith’s injury, because us Boston fans know all about season ending knee injuries.  I’m of course talking about Tony Allen attempting to dunk well after the whistle blew and landing on his knee awkwardly, tearing his ACL and MCL, literally adding insult to injury during an already atrocious season that ended 24-58.

Obviously, I was referring to this and this only.  Nobody else.

But I am going to rip on the Jets… and ohhhh boy do I love ripping on the Jets.  If Katy Perry rewrote “Hot N Cold,” she would include a line about the Pats and Jets somewhere.   I can’t remember a time when the Jets sucked so much and the Patriots were so awesome.  No wait, actually I can: 2001-2009.  This time it’s different though, because Rex Ryan fooled so many people into thinking the Jets were an elite team.  All of his talk convinced America that barely scraping by piss poor teams was the Jets playing “resilient” and “tough” football.  The Jets phonied their ways to the tops of experts’ power rankings and tricked themselves into thinking they were legitimately an elite 9-2 team coming into Foxboro.  During the Monday night game against the Pats, either after the Patriots’ 10th touchdown or Mark Sanchez’s 51st interception (I can’t remember which one), I took a picture of this Jets fan:

My brother took this picture of Rex Ryan after the game.  Almost identical, no?  The only difference I can see is Rex Ryan weighs about 400lbs more than the Jets fan.

For me, watching a Jets fan in a state of severe shock because they foolishly believed their team stood a chance against the Patriots is much more satisfying than seeing their usual face when they play us.  Because the Jets’ record normally truthfully reflects their actual ability to play well, disloyal New York fans usually don’t care and look like this during the NFL season:

Since Jets fans regularly expect the annual two tallies in the L column thanks to the Patriots, it becomes a rarity for us New England fans to see what I so brilliantly captured.  Thus, when we become lucky enough to witness this abnormality, our football fanhood is wonderfully satisfied.

Week 13’s annihilation seemed as good as it gets, until the Jet’s lost at home to Dolphins in week 14.  In a short span of six days, the Jets tumbled from first in the division to playoff berth in jeopardy.  There isn’t much to talk about how poorly they played against Miami; their execution was straight up pathetic tp the point where the only successful task they managed to achieve on this glorious Sunday was Sal Alosi tripping a Dolphin.  Give him credit, guys.  Can you trip a dolphin?  Have you ever even tried tripping a dolphin?  Have you even seen a dolphin?  Alosi tripped that which can not walk.  Pretty amazing if you ask me.  Jokes aside, is this what Rex Ryan preaches after 45-3 defeats?  Is this his definition of rebounding and proving they are for real?  The only for real I have for them is, fo’ real, Rex?  Seriously?  Tripping players is your way of winning against a mediocre football team?  When was the last time anyone saw a championship caliber club commit the stupidest action imaginable?  Doesn’t Sal Alosi know at any given point during an NFL game, at least 14 camera men are filming you?  The organization is in shambles right now.  Luckily, I’ve never been unfortunate enough to catch the crappy disease, but can a New York sports fan tell me if it’s contagious?  Because I think it’s spreading to…

Basketball

New York

  • Knicks have an eight game winning streak before hosting the Celtics
  • Knicks have a one game losing streak after hosting the Celtics

Boston

  • Celtics have a ten game winning streak before playing the Knicks
  • Celtics have an eleven game winning streak after playing the Knicks

Good for the Knicks.  Seriously.  I’m happy that they’re playing well this year, because it’s getting boring to see the Celtics win with ease.  But Wednesday’s game against Boston served as another slice of comic relief for me during finals week here at BU.  Paul Pierce’s game winning shot with 0.4 seconds remaining is fairly soul-crushing as it is for New York fans, but A’mare? Am’are? Ama’re?  Amar’e?  Yeah, I think that’s where the apostrophe goes.  Anyway, as disheartening as it was for Knicks fans to have Pauly P drain a winning bucket, Amar’e Stoudemire just had to sink a game winning three.  Psych! The ball left his hands after the buzzer sounded!  Haha!  Suckers! All of you fans at Madison Square Garden jumped out of your seats for nothing!  As BC fans say to me, sucks to BU!!!!  (It actually doesn’t suck to BU, because our school is actually in Boston.  I can walk to the Prudential Center or Fenway in ten minutes.  “Boston” College is in Newton.)

Baseball

New York

  • Yankees fail to sign Cliff Lee, who signs with the Phillies for $30M less
  • Yankees suck
  • Mets do not make any moves, they continue to be garbage

Boston

  • Red Sox trade for Adrian Gonzalez
  • Red Sox are f**king awesome
  • Red Sox sign Carl Crawford

I love Cliff Lee.  Always have, and now always will.  Mooching a few free meals and time from the Yankees and making Brian Cashman look like a bumbling idiot of a sucker boosts Cliff Lee near the middle of my “Most Awesome Athletes Power Rankings.”  The middle is actually quite good, because nobody comes within 100 feet of Tom Brady in my book.  Plus, Lee is by far the flashiest player in the MLB.  Remember that video I posted a in my last entry?  Well here it is again, because I can’t stop drooling over his calmness during the World Series.  http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=7099837 (I can’t embed it.)  Anyway, the Yankees offered him a 7 year $150M contract, but he told Cashman F U and returned to the Phils for 5 years and $120M.  Suck it Yankees, money bought you jack diddly squat this offseason, and you will eternally suck.  Have fun finishing second to the Red Sox this year in the AL East.  Wait, third.  I keep forgetting the Rays are pretty good.

Do I even have to talk about the Mets?  Should I feel some pity for how terrible they are?  Nah.

All in all, its been a rough (but deserved in my eyes by default of me being a Boston native) few weeks for scumbag New York fans.  So rough that it consumed all my time and I barely said a word about how awesome Boston sports teams are doing.  But I talk enough about that already, and it’s expected.  Hope times like these continue!

What do you guys think?  Leave comments please!  Subscribe on the left sidebar of the web page!  Don’t forget to show this to all of your buddies!

I’d take the over.  Because the forecast here in Boston is championships with a 51% chance of more championships.  Lets be real here, the Patriots are the best team in the NFL, the Celtics are the best team in the NBA, and if it wasn’t for this guy: http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=7099837 the Red Sox would be the best team in the MLB.  Give credit to the Bruins too.  Although Pittsburgh is so hot right now that all Penguins are in danger of going extinct by 2012, the Bruins (especially Tim Thomas) are playing great puck and are a contender for sure.

The Pats are just about a lock for the Super Bowl, and I think they have at least a 450% chance to bring a Lombardi Trophy back to Boston.  The only team in the NFL that scares me as a New England fan right now is the New Orleans Saints.  And not even the Saints.  Just Drew Brees.  But the Patriots young defense keeps improving, so I don’t know if I’ll even still be afraid of Mr. Brees come playoff time.  So if the Pats are a deadlock to win the Super Bowl, only one other Boston team would need to win for the over.

It looks like this years NBA finals matchup will once again be Celtics-Lakers, because the Heat turn cold when they face good teams that can play defense.  And because Rajon Rondo is more bananas than a monkey’s lifetime diet.  The dude has more dimes than the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.  When the Celtics inevitably play the Lakers in the Finals, this time around, lets all hope the absurdly unfair NBA refs don’t call the Celtics for 17 fouls in the 4th quarter of game 7.  But we all know that NBA refs are always favoring international superstar Kobe, so I’ll give the Celtics just a 49% chance of winning the Finals.  And for the sake of more writing.  So by my illogical logic, Boston is at 1.49 championships right now.

After Theo Epstein bolstered the Sox lineup with slugger Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Craw-FordGT, I expect the Red Sox runs per game to hover around 24.5 for the season.  I have no doubts about the Sox being the best team in the AL, but the Phillies scare me–their World Series MVP from 2008 is now their third starter.  The Phillies are the WS favorites, but as much as they scare me, I think the Red Sox are a close second.  The only troubling aspect of the Red Sox is the bullpen because closer Jonathan Papelbon can no longer close a game anymore.  His intimidating glare that used to strike fear into opposing hitters now just makes him look like he’s sucking a tiny D.

If it’s a Sox-Phils World Series, I think the Sox will be underdogs with a 41% chance of winning.  So, by my terrible logic, Beantown is now up to 1.9 championships.

I am no hockey expert, but I know two things:

1. Sidney Crosby is the only thing Canada can do better than the USA, and the Penguins are going to win the Stanley Cup.  99% of my reasoning for this is because they are by far my favorite team to use in NHL 11 the video game.  Feel free to challenge me by the way.  I’ll take you down.  I play on XBox.

2. For the sake of my argument, I’ll give the Bruins a 10% chance of winning a title, upping the best city in the world to 2.0 titles.  So, all in all, it looks like Boston will be racking up two total championships this year.  I have no idea how my logic works, but two championships sounds pretty realistic, right?

Wait no, make it three, because either BU or BC is going to win the NCAA men’s hockey title.  GO TERRIERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me know what you guys think, please leave some comments and voice your own opinion.

Take a look at last year compared to this year for the Vikes:

Last Year

  • The team is 11-2 going into week 15
  • Brad Childress is the coach
  • Brett Favre: 33td/7int
  • Brett Favre beats the Packers twice
  • Brett Favre’s consecutive games started streak is still alive
  • Brett Favre’s genitals are not a storyline
  • Metrodome is still a dome

This Year

  • Team is 5-8 going into week 15
  • Brad Childress joins the unemployed, it becomes impossible to pick him out of a crowd of people who don’t have jobs.  He looks like a hobo.
  • Brett Favre: 10td/18int
  • Brett Favre loses to the Packers twice
  • Brett Favre’s consecutive games started streak ends at 297
  • Brett Favre’s genitals are a storyline, with Jenn Sterger involved
  • Metrodome looks like my mom’s car after she drives

In fact, I even found a picture of Childress since he was fired.  Is that a Coors Light lanyard?  Maybe they’re using one of his press conferences for a TV ad!  Which explains why Childress is smiling in this pic.

In less than one season, the Vikings tumbled from NFC Championship Game to irrelevant.  The only thing that can explain the Vikings downward spiral is some supernatural phenomenon.  And I have found it.

Have you ever heard of something that can explain the Vikings’ season so well?  Cause I haven’t.  Sidney Rice had that hip injury, but if the Vikings were truly good they would know how to win without one player (see: Bill Belichick leading the Pats to 11-5 after the best player in the NFL tore his ACL).  With the weapons they have (Peterson, Harvin, etc.,) they could invade a small country, and making the playoffs should not have been a problem at all.  They flat out blow this year.  And it’s not because Brett Favre took photos of his viking and sent them to Jenn Sterger.  Or because Brett Favre had a lucky season last year and should have retired, because he doesn’t have it in him anymore.  Or because Brett Favre’s brittle body injures itself every week.  Or because the Vikings wasted a third round on an unproductive Randy Moss (By the way, hasn’t the NFL learned by now that if Bill Belichick is trading a player, he is basically stealing from you?  The player will be of zero value and yield less production than Derek Anderson.)  Or because Brad Childress alienated himself to all the players.  No, no.  Its because this Packers wizard put a level 99 curse on them.  Fo sho.