Unique New York. Say that 10 times fast.

Posted: December 16, 2010 in sports
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

New York is so unique right now.  Unique in that no other city is enduring a couple of the most horrific sports weeks in recent memory, while Boston sports teams are flourishing.  And I’m lovin’ every bit of it.  Lets take a closer look at the past few weeks:

Football

New York

  • Rex Ryan talks trash (big surprise there)
  • The Jets fail to score a touchdown as the Patriots steamroll them 45-3
  • The following week, the Jets show they are no more than an average football team by once again failing to score a touchdown in a defeat against the Dolphins, in New York
  • The Jets resort to dangerous cheating, as strength coach Sal Alosi instructs 5 players to stand in a wall as he tries to trip Nolan Carroll.  He receives an indefinite suspension
  • Giants’ WR Steve Smith undergoes knee surgery, out for season

Boston

  • Bill Belichick makes a joke out of Rex Ryan’s trash talking
  • The Patriots do not allow the Jets a touchdown, as they steamroll Gang Green 45-3
  • The following week, the Patriots show they are no less than the best team in the NFl, by once again smoking an opponent in a 36-7 Bear-killing, in Chicago, in blizzard-like conditions
  • The Patriots resort to stomping opponents with passing, rushing, defense, and special teams.  All Patriots staff and players are eligible to participate in week 15.
  • All Patriots WRs stay healthy

I won’t rip on Steve Smith’s injury, because us Boston fans know all about season ending knee injuries.  I’m of course talking about Tony Allen attempting to dunk well after the whistle blew and landing on his knee awkwardly, tearing his ACL and MCL, literally adding insult to injury during an already atrocious season that ended 24-58.

Obviously, I was referring to this and this only.  Nobody else.

But I am going to rip on the Jets… and ohhhh boy do I love ripping on the Jets.  If Katy Perry rewrote “Hot N Cold,” she would include a line about the Pats and Jets somewhere.   I can’t remember a time when the Jets sucked so much and the Patriots were so awesome.  No wait, actually I can: 2001-2009.  This time it’s different though, because Rex Ryan fooled so many people into thinking the Jets were an elite team.  All of his talk convinced America that barely scraping by piss poor teams was the Jets playing “resilient” and “tough” football.  The Jets phonied their ways to the tops of experts’ power rankings and tricked themselves into thinking they were legitimately an elite 9-2 team coming into Foxboro.  During the Monday night game against the Pats, either after the Patriots’ 10th touchdown or Mark Sanchez’s 51st interception (I can’t remember which one), I took a picture of this Jets fan:

My brother took this picture of Rex Ryan after the game.  Almost identical, no?  The only difference I can see is Rex Ryan weighs about 400lbs more than the Jets fan.

For me, watching a Jets fan in a state of severe shock because they foolishly believed their team stood a chance against the Patriots is much more satisfying than seeing their usual face when they play us.  Because the Jets’ record normally truthfully reflects their actual ability to play well, disloyal New York fans usually don’t care and look like this during the NFL season:

Since Jets fans regularly expect the annual two tallies in the L column thanks to the Patriots, it becomes a rarity for us New England fans to see what I so brilliantly captured.  Thus, when we become lucky enough to witness this abnormality, our football fanhood is wonderfully satisfied.

Week 13’s annihilation seemed as good as it gets, until the Jet’s lost at home to Dolphins in week 14.  In a short span of six days, the Jets tumbled from first in the division to playoff berth in jeopardy.  There isn’t much to talk about how poorly they played against Miami; their execution was straight up pathetic tp the point where the only successful task they managed to achieve on this glorious Sunday was Sal Alosi tripping a Dolphin.  Give him credit, guys.  Can you trip a dolphin?  Have you ever even tried tripping a dolphin?  Have you even seen a dolphin?  Alosi tripped that which can not walk.  Pretty amazing if you ask me.  Jokes aside, is this what Rex Ryan preaches after 45-3 defeats?  Is this his definition of rebounding and proving they are for real?  The only for real I have for them is, fo’ real, Rex?  Seriously?  Tripping players is your way of winning against a mediocre football team?  When was the last time anyone saw a championship caliber club commit the stupidest action imaginable?  Doesn’t Sal Alosi know at any given point during an NFL game, at least 14 camera men are filming you?  The organization is in shambles right now.  Luckily, I’ve never been unfortunate enough to catch the crappy disease, but can a New York sports fan tell me if it’s contagious?  Because I think it’s spreading to…

Basketball

New York

  • Knicks have an eight game winning streak before hosting the Celtics
  • Knicks have a one game losing streak after hosting the Celtics

Boston

  • Celtics have a ten game winning streak before playing the Knicks
  • Celtics have an eleven game winning streak after playing the Knicks

Good for the Knicks.  Seriously.  I’m happy that they’re playing well this year, because it’s getting boring to see the Celtics win with ease.  But Wednesday’s game against Boston served as another slice of comic relief for me during finals week here at BU.  Paul Pierce’s game winning shot with 0.4 seconds remaining is fairly soul-crushing as it is for New York fans, but A’mare? Am’are? Ama’re?  Amar’e?  Yeah, I think that’s where the apostrophe goes.  Anyway, as disheartening as it was for Knicks fans to have Pauly P drain a winning bucket, Amar’e Stoudemire just had to sink a game winning three.  Psych! The ball left his hands after the buzzer sounded!  Haha!  Suckers! All of you fans at Madison Square Garden jumped out of your seats for nothing!  As BC fans say to me, sucks to BU!!!!  (It actually doesn’t suck to BU, because our school is actually in Boston.  I can walk to the Prudential Center or Fenway in ten minutes.  “Boston” College is in Newton.)

Baseball

New York

  • Yankees fail to sign Cliff Lee, who signs with the Phillies for $30M less
  • Yankees suck
  • Mets do not make any moves, they continue to be garbage

Boston

  • Red Sox trade for Adrian Gonzalez
  • Red Sox are f**king awesome
  • Red Sox sign Carl Crawford

I love Cliff Lee.  Always have, and now always will.  Mooching a few free meals and time from the Yankees and making Brian Cashman look like a bumbling idiot of a sucker boosts Cliff Lee near the middle of my “Most Awesome Athletes Power Rankings.”  The middle is actually quite good, because nobody comes within 100 feet of Tom Brady in my book.  Plus, Lee is by far the flashiest player in the MLB.  Remember that video I posted a in my last entry?  Well here it is again, because I can’t stop drooling over his calmness during the World Series.  http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=7099837 (I can’t embed it.)  Anyway, the Yankees offered him a 7 year $150M contract, but he told Cashman F U and returned to the Phils for 5 years and $120M.  Suck it Yankees, money bought you jack diddly squat this offseason, and you will eternally suck.  Have fun finishing second to the Red Sox this year in the AL East.  Wait, third.  I keep forgetting the Rays are pretty good.

Do I even have to talk about the Mets?  Should I feel some pity for how terrible they are?  Nah.

All in all, its been a rough (but deserved in my eyes by default of me being a Boston native) few weeks for scumbag New York fans.  So rough that it consumed all my time and I barely said a word about how awesome Boston sports teams are doing.  But I talk enough about that already, and it’s expected.  Hope times like these continue!

What do you guys think?  Leave comments please!  Subscribe on the left sidebar of the web page!  Don’t forget to show this to all of your buddies!

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