Peyton and Eli Manning are terrible brothers.

Posted: December 18, 2010 in sports
Tags: , , , , , ,

Did you notice how Peyton and Eli completely ignored the third Manning brother?  What terrible brothers!  But I bet you not only failed to notice how they ignored their brother, you didn’t even notice the presence of The Forgotten One.  Cooper Manning.  Did you even know a third Manning brother existed?  Man, how much must it suck to be him?  I wonder how many people recognize The Forgotten One on the street.  Scratch that, I wonder how many people who know Cooper know he’s the brother of Peyton and Eli.  What does he even do for a living?  Does he work a miserable 9-5 where every single coworker of his is talking about Peyton or Eli on Monday morning?  Can he support a family?  Maybe when Peyton and Eli are feeling charitable they donate to the Forgotten Brothers of America Foundation.  Damn, it must really blow to be the butt end of all Manning family jokes.  I can see their Thanksgiving dinner table scene going down like this:

Peyton: You know Eli, you shouldn’t wear your Super Bowl ring on your throwing hand.  The ginormous 1,000,000 karat diamonds are so heavy that they can mess with the professional-caliber throwing mechanics that we both inherited from dad.  I learned that from my buddy Tom, who has three Super Bowl Rings, more than our whole family combined!

Eli: Aww shucks, Peyton.  You’re so right.  You’re always right.  You’re so much better than me in every single way.   I always wondered why you wear your Super Bowl ring on your left hand.  Aren’t these rings so cool?

The Forgotten One: F**k you guys.  I’m getting turkey.

Papa Archie: Ah ah ah!  Watch it Cooper!  The two legs on the turkey are reserved for NFL quarterbacks only.  Why don’t you cut yourself a portion of the lesser meat.

How does he feel taking all the s**t from the two brothers?  I bet he takes extra extra crap from Peyton and Eli, because Peyton gives Eli crap for sucking at the NFL so much, so Eli passes Peyton’s crap onto The Forgotten One along with the crap he was originally going to give him anyway!  Does that make sense?  Throw in some direct Peyton–>Cooper crap just for good measure.  And you know what the worst part about it is?  Wait for it… wait for it… The Forgotten One is the oldest of the trio!  Isn’t the oldest sibling supposed to the the man of the house?  The dominant figure?  The one that younger brothers look up too?  Oh man, sucks to be Cooper Manning!

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Comments
  1. ameli000 says:

    Cooper didn’t even get a shoutout in their music video:

  2. andyju4392 says:

    hahahaha youre right, you wouldn’t even know cooper existed from watching that video. i love when espn makes those by the way

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