Archive for January, 2011

What the balls?!?!?!

Posted: January 28, 2011 in sports
Tags: , , , , , ,

I just learned that the Packers have not trailed by more than 7 points at any time this season.  You’re telling me they lost six games this season, and at no point were they two possessions away from tying or taking the lead?  Aaron Rodgers could have tied the game with one drive every time the Packers were losing?  Yup.  Super Bowl lock.  Just give ’em the belts now and get it over with.  But while we wait… more Rodgers faces!!!!  YAY!

Look at my hands.  They’re saying, “Was that a serious f*cking question?  You must be joking right?”  Oh man, reporters are sofa king stupid.


Still thinking of a caption… I got nothin’.



I know I’m being photographed right now… so I’m gonna give that half smirk half focus look… and I’m purposely not going to look at the camera.  You all know what I’m talking about.


Because a photograph cannot play audio, I will let my facial expression tell the viewer I am screaming “OHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH.”


Check it out, I’m Batman.

I swear, Aaron Rodgers knows when photographers are taking pictures of him.

Chad ____ is changing his name again, reverting back to his original last name, Johnson.  But I’m not here to talk about that.  I’m here to talk about what a value he is to the NFL and any team he signs with.  Now, obviously I am in no way affiliated with the NFL or the Cincinnati Bengals organization, but from a football fanatic who generally knows what he’s talking about, here’s my take on the entertaining superstar bundle of talent that is 85.

First and foremost, WR ability is naturally the most relevant characteristic of a WR in the NFL (duh,) so naturally we must talk about this before his antics and personality.  Not much to argue for here, I think everyone agrees with me when I say he definitely possesses top tier talent and in the right system, can flourish into an explosive playmaker (more than he already is.)  Seven 1000 yard seasons, six Pro Bowl selections, two first-team All Pro years–his credentials speak for themselves.  But perhaps the most impressive aspect surrounding his skills as a wideout is that he’s put up these numbers on the Bengals, a team that has struggled for much of the 2000’s.  Imagine what he could have done, or could potentially do (we’ll get to this part later,) with a Brady or Manning or Brees.  We know how Randy Moss set records when he came to New England, we know how the Saints passing game dramatically improved with the addition of Drew Brees.  What if 85 played for a perennial playoff contender?  Maybe his 1000 yard seasons become 1400 yard seasons, maybe his 9 touchdown seasons become 12 touchdown seasons, maybe he earns a couple rings and locks himself into the Hall of Fame, year of 20??

I still remember watching this live on Monday Night Football.  85 Caught a deep over the shoulder ball early in the game against the Ravens.  Crystal clear in my mind.

So what if ______ happened?  What if he played for _____?  I honestly don’t know.  But what I do know is one stone cold fact:  85 has been and is still one of the marquee receivers in the NFL.  It’s no coincidence that the two years the Bengals played in the postseason, 85 had a few of his career’s best years.  But as good of a player as he is, we all know 85 brings more than just pure talent to the table.

To anyone who has a problem with his antics, shut your traps; 85’s comedy doesn’t land him in jail or dunk him in deep sh*t.  I mean the dude doesn’t even drink.  What Ochocinco says or does is purely driven by the best intentions, and after following him on Twitter for quite some time now, you realize he’s just a happy charismatic entertainer.

Sidenote: Follow ochocinco on Twitter.  Buy the Apple app Mad Chad.  You won’t be disappointed!

You have a problem with him putting on a Hall of Fame 20?? jacket?  Cover him better.  You have a problem with him putting the football with a pylon?  Cover him better.  You have a problem with him comically slipping money to a ref?  Child please, go to the store and buy yourself a sense of humor, because you obviously weren’t raised with one.

Scoring TDs, sinking putts.

You can’t tell me you wouldn’t laugh at this if you saw it live.

It’s not like 85 is (literally) shooting himself in the leg at nightclubs, getting caught drunk or with weed, making dogs fight, or murdering anyone; he is out there having fun and loosening up the tight NFL air.  As I’ve said before, I’m a huge sucker for fun on the field, and 85 epitomizes the proper way of balancing work, fun, and staying out of trouble.  I can name you 10 guys who have been in trouble with the law in recent years–I can’t tell you 85 is one of them.  He once said about former Green Bay cornerback Al Harris, “There are two things for Brother Harris this week. The bad thing is, he has to cover me. The good is he can save 15 percent by switching his auto insurance to Geico.”  Please point out to me how this line hinders a team.  That’s right.  You can’t.  It’s fun, good spirited, and hilarious.

Now while 85 can be a comedy genius, it is also said that he can also cause rifts in the locker room.  Y’all might think I’m crazy when I say this, but it’s not his fault.  Under a competent coaching staff, any player can be tamed (see Moss, Randy, 2007.)  So let’s all squash the myth right now that Ochocinco is some sort of devlish villain who tears up teams.  He is, invariably, a great benefit to the NFL.  Let’s take a look at some facts:

-85 is the best player on the Bengals

-The Bengals are the bottom feeders of the NFL (exceptions: 2005 and 2008)

That’s all we need right there.  If you are a superstar WR on a struggling franchise and you are not frustrated like 85 is, you either have down syndrome or you don’t care.  Well Ochocinco cares.  Ochocinco wants to win.  Ochocinco is frustrated.  You got a problem with a premier athlete wanting to win?

So what does the future hold for 85?  Marvin Lewis will remain the Bengals coach next season, and the owner of the organization already expressed holding on to Carson Palmer.  So unless Ochocinco leaves, I envision more of the same: putting up good numbers on an irrelevant football team instead of putting up exceptional numbers on a contending team.  Where would he go?  Rumors have been floating around saying he sees himself in New England, and as a crazed Patriots fan, I could actually see this working, and I absolutely love the idea.  Both sides complement the other: 85 needs a winning organization, the Patriots need a receiver that can catch a ball that’s thrown more than 10 yards.  It could be similar to a Randy Moss 2.0: an aging superstar talent on a struggling (struggling in our New England eyes.  If you live in a different city that envies the best team in the NFL, I’m sorry) team.  I think it could revitalize Ochocinco’s career as well as earn him a ring all while displaying his drive to win and staying out of negative media, because everyone knows when you win, it’s all fine and dandy, and guess what:  the Patriots only win.  Bill Belichick can make anything work.  Why not this?

A tweet from Stephen Colbert: “Congratulations to the Packers and the Steelers! You’re both a credit to the defunct industries that are your namesakes.”

Nothing like a nice chuckle to kick off the two weeks preceding the Super Bowl.

What a match up, right?  Obviously 2010-11’s clear cut best NFL team failed to advance anywhere in the playoffs, which permanently stole a chunk of my heart, but if the team-that-shall-not-be-named (because I’m still wallowing in my own sulking moping pity, and can not yet stand the sight of the team) had to miss the big dance, I’d want the Steelers or the Colts to rep the AFC all day.  Why?  Because they’re winners, and nothing pleases me more than seeing  winners win and failures fail, at least for extended stretches of time until new eras arrive.  But while Peyton Manning leads Indy, Big Ben extends plays and Dick LeBeau coordinates in Pittsburgh, and you know who coaches the you know who quarterbacked you know whos, these three model franchises should continue to win.  So as far as I’m concerned, the AFC Championship was either going to be a total trainwreck because a non-elite team would represent the AFC or it was going to be a slim silver lining in a disastrous and ultimately failing 2010-11 campaign (for me at least.)  Luckily, the game turned out the right way, and Big Ben worked his magic and raped the Jets on 3rd down, earning a chance at his third Super Bowl ring.  Yeah.  3rd.  Two more than Peyton, just as many as that other dude that has freakishly good looking smooth flowing hair, and enough to probably earn him a Hall of Fame spot.

It wasn’t dumb luck that caused Roethlisberger to mark a 15-1 record in his rookie year in 2004 and miss the Super Bowl by one game (you know who beat ’em,) to actually win one the following year, and to play for another before the age of 30.  Sure the dude is pretty silly when it comes to protecting his dome while riding his motorcycles, but Ben Roell-out-play-extend-isberger has quietly composed an all-time-great-talk worthy resume over the past eight years.  Yes the Dick LeBeau-led Steel defense deserves a ton of credit for the team’s success, but you can’t argue that Ben does not deserve all-time talk unless you also put the Golden Boy #12 in the same boat.  Both quarterbacks won multiple rings early in their careers with tremendous assistance from their defenses, so if you considered Goldilocks a hall of famer pre-2007, you must consider Roethlisberger one too.  He’s accomplished this with an unconvential play extending backyard football method, but he has reached the top nonetheless.  Because the NFL rapidly changes, we sadly have to drop Brees (at least momentarily) from the top tier quarterback level (consisting of Manning and the guy who I’ve run out of alternative names for,) and elevate Big Ben into this category (We can also bump Phil Rivers down to the chum bucket for missing the playoffs on a supposedly stacked team, and because I detest his guts.)  And while it should be obvious that Roethlisberger plays at a top tier caliber, it’s even more obvious that we must include in the “best” talks, this guy:

Gimme that belt, baby!

I’ve been all over Aaron Rodgers’ just-below-belt-region for quite some time (I swear, I’m straight, but this is Aaron F*cking Rodgers were talking about here,) and now that he’s blossoming into an unstoppable force en route to his first Lombardi Trophy, (either with his arm, legs, or swagga, yo,) he earns superstar status and well justified one o’ da most bestest quatabacks in da leeeeeaaague debate.  I didn’t get a chance to write about his phenomenal performance against the Falcons IN ATLANTA, but holy smokes good god hot damn he’s f**king unreal.  Remember earlier how I mentioned that winners should win until a new era dawns?  Well this is a new era dawning.  The Golden Boy-Manning era is sadly coming to a close; lets be real here, the guy who owns the ACL that Bernard Pollard tore is 33 years old, Manning is 34.  Those two supermen aren’t exactly in their youth.  Meanwhile, the flourishing Mr. Cool Aaron Rodgers is just 27 and has a long storied career ahead of him, and I see multiple rings on his fist when it’s all said and done (by the way, Big Ben is just 28,  I think the #12-#18 debate of the 2000’s could easily become a Rodgers-Roethlisberger debate of the 2010’s.)  What we’ve witnessed these past few years serves only as a teaser of what we will, barring severe injury, see this coming decade.  Remember, before 2007, the 50TD man did not possess the pure quarterbacking ability he does now.  Rodgers will only improve, his stats will only inflate, and his hands will only grow heavy with huge rock rings.  However, my boy Aaron Cool did not put up stellar numbers Sunday vs. the Bears–he had an off day, but his team bailed him out.

One of the top 4 quarterbacks in the league can throw for 0 TD and 2 INT and the team can win a league championship?  Holy sh*t, the Packers are good.  I knew all season that their 10-6 record and 6 seed did not reflect their true completeness as a team, but I thought if Aaron Rodgers was going down, the team was coming with him.  Sh*t, they proved me wrong.  Yeah sure, Chicago didn’t have their starting QB for much of the game, but c’mon, how much of an improvement is Jay Cutler over that other dude?  He’d probably throw more picks, and that other dude just about threw two interceptions per dropback.  As far as I’m concerned, the Packers are taking the Super Bowl.  My prediction?  28-24, Rodgers gets his belt.

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Leave comments, what do you guys think?  Am I right about RoethlisRodgers?  Is there another QB I left out (don’t say Phil Rivers, he will forever suck in my book.)

It’s not just a game

Posted: January 18, 2011 in sports
Tags: , , , ,

The conditions in this picture sum up the past 48 hours of my life.

People keep telling me I need to suck it up, it’s just a game.  People who aren’t from Boston.  People who don’t follow their sports teams as closely or loyally as we New Englanders follow our beloved Pats.  Only my family and friends matter more to me than Boston sports.  We Bostonians cherish every great moment, we try to (but ultimately fail) to forget Aaron f**king Boone and David f**king Tyree.  We hang effigies of opposing coaches and players, we dump half of our income on memorabilia and team logo items, not a single car drives on a windy New England road during game time.  We love our sports teams more than you even like yours.

Nobody from my (or possibly any other) generation, outside of the glorious city of Boston knows what it’s like to have at least two (and most of the time more) perennial playoff teams out of the major four sports.  Nobody knows what it feels like to win three Super Bowls in four years, win two World Series in four years, and an NBA Finals Title, all simultaneously in one decade, while the hometown’s hockey squad plays in the postseason most years.  Nobody knows what it feels like to expect greatness.  One of my better friends, from Cleveland, told me I can’t complain about anything, because Cleveland sports have always sucked.  What they don’t understand is that when you know for sure that teams that are dear to your heart to win, and they don’t, it hurts dramatically more than a crap season.  When Celtics were on their way to a 24-58 record in 06-07, it didn’t hurt; loss after loss became jokes, meaningless wins became even funnier jokes.  The 2009 Patriots went 10-6 and entered the playoffs Wes Welkerless–I didn’t expect a Super Bowl from them.  If you’re from outside of New England, this is how you feel.  You don’t know what I feel after Sunday.  You don’t know the pain such a loss weighs me down with.  You have no right to tell me to “suck it up” or “get over it” or “it’s just a game.”  It’s a game for you, not for me.

Sunday’s defeat places at number 2 on my most painful sports fan experiences, right behind 18-1 and right in front of the 2003 Red Sox.  By now, I’d normally be over any ordinary loss, even any ordinary playoff loss; I was over the Celtics last year after about an hour.  But this game was especially painful.  It’s not just the pain of losing to the Jets, not just the pain of the trash talk leading up to the game, but the pain of the past and future.  It’s that Brady won three Super Bowls before he was a top tier quarterback, at the dawn of an era of dominance, before I became old enough to delve deeply into and obsess over the NFL.  It’s that the Patriots choked away a chance at a Super Bowl in 2006, came a millimeter away from a perfect season in 2007, had 0 chance in 2008 after Brady’s knee, and had a substandard year in 2009.  All I want to see is for in-his-prime Brady and Belichick to earn one more ring to boost them into the “best of all time” talks, to fulfill the desire and need for redemption and satisfaction, to be able to say “we started and finished our careers with rings,” instead of “We started our careers on the best note possible, and it was downhill from there.  A few bad days ruined it all.”  As a fan, you have felt before the joy the Patriots are capable of bringing, you know they have the best shot to win, you know they are heavy favorites, and then they fall flat and stab you in the heart.  You possess a burning need to feel what you felt six years ago.  If some god somewhere gave me the choice of seeing 10 of playoffs with a chance to win, or one definite Super Bowl title with Brady and Belichick retiring immediately after, I’d take the latter in half a heartbeat.  I just want to see them win just once more, for redemption, for closure.

The time for one last Super Bowl is dwindling.  I thought this year was legitimately our best shot after 2007, and I fear next next year may be the last chance.  Yes we have picks 17, 20something, and 33 in the upcoming draft, but three of our offensive line might leave and Brady’s aging, and who knows how long Belichick will stick around.  I fear the time of the Patriots has fled, that the football gods are only going to strike us down more, that what was achieved at the beginning of this millennium may not happen again with number 12 at the helm.  It’s a nightmare to think about.

So before you heartlessly utter the words, “it’s just a game,” know where a New England sports fan comes from.  A decade of being the best and then losing is nothing like a decade of losing with more losing.  Imagine your goal in life is to achieve the best possible grade in a class.  Imagine earning straight A’s in a class for the first year of high school of college, accomplishing the mission.  Then imagine earning an F your sophomore year because you were on your way to a 100%, and on the final exam, you got screwed hard by dumb luck, you don’t receive an A.  In your junior year, you become terribly ill, rendering an A impossible to earn.  Now It’s your senior year, present day, and you have a 98% percent leading up until one of the last assignments.  You choke away an opportunity, and once again you fail to attain the A that you earned three years prior.  You come so close to one of your life’s ambitions, you can smell it and it’s right at your finger tips, but you don’t grasp it.  Now imagine that pain times 100.  That is almost one tenth of 1% of what I feel.

yeah I know the writing is sloppy and there are plenty of typos but it was painful enough to write, I honestly don’t give a sh*t about any typos at the moment and could not endure reading through it all.

Posted: January 17, 2011 in sports

Hype Up

Posted: January 15, 2011 in sports
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Has there ever been more hype for a game with an 8.5 point spread?  Normally, everyone goes bananas in the weeks leading up to a game between evenly matched powerhouses, because its likely going to be a memorable offensive shootout or defensive chess battle.  Sunday’s game will be:

a) just evenly matched teams, regardless of how good they actually are

b) two powerhouses, regardless of how evenly matched they are

c) an offensive shootout

d) a defensive chess battle

e) none of the above.  Sunday’s game will be a heavily lopsided affair between one powerhouse scoring 30+ points and one joke of a squad scoring 14 or fewer points.

For those of you with reading comprehension disabilities, the obvious answer coming from me is E.  So what makes this rivalry worth talking about?  Is it even a rivalry?  Don’t both teams have to win for this to be a rivalry?  When was the last time the Jets beat the Pats when it mattered, in the playoffs, or in an important regular season game?   Yeah the Jets beat the 2010.1 Patriots in September, but where were they on the national stage in December against the 2010.2 Patriots?  The Patriots have won 12 AFC East titles, the Jets have won 2.  The Patriots have appeared in the Super Bowl 6 times, the Jets have never even won an AFC Championship (their single league title was the AFL Championship.)  Maybe Rex Ryan got something right, maybe Sunday’s game is in fact the 2nd most important game in Jets’ history, only because their lackluster history lacks so much luster.  So what about this game intrigues fans and analysts so much that they talk about it more than a much better, even game between the Ravens and Steelers?  Believe it or not, the unevenness of it all is what attracts us.

All week, the rage has been “Can Mark Sanchez stop sucking?  Can Tom Brady be stopped?”  It’s not about who will win, but how much New England will win by.  All analysts seem to be sharing the general consensus of a less than 45-3 blowout, but a large margin of victory for the Patriots nonetheless.  I’ve been hearing the 35-14 ballpark prediction from just about everyone, but last night when I saw Mark Schlereth on ESPN predict a 20-17 victory for the Pats I had a baby about it.  20-17 Schlereth?  Are you f**king high?  Do you even know who Tom Brady is?  I know you played in the NFL, but are you on crack or something?  Like I said, the unevenness attracts us.  Not just on the field either.

What team sh*t talks the best in the NFL?  It’s the Jets, obviously… psych.  This week showed just how gawd awful the Jets are at everything:  football, trash talk, life, etc.  Breaking down the trash talk day by day, we can clearly see how badly the Patriots owned the Jets this week.

Monday:  Rex Ryan claims “it’s personal” between him and Bill Belichick.  What’s so personal, Rex?  Bill didn’t give you enough attention or something?  You heard nothing from the Pats, proving once again they are the bigger men and don’t meddle with these antics.

Tuesday:  Antonio Cromartie calls Tom Brady an a$$hole, says “f**k him,” says he hates him, and has a problem with Brady pointing to the Jets defense on the sideline after scoring 6 on them.  Are you kidding me?  How old are you Antonio?  F**k him?  That’s the best you got?  Calling Brady an a$$hole?  You can’t come up with anything better than that?  Real original insult there, ouch it really burns.  Like really burns.  Almost burns Brady as much as Brady burns your defense.  Maybe his childish behavior is because he takes on after his 9 children with 8 mothers…

Brady handles Cromartie’s comments like a champ, responding with “I’ve been called worse,” smiling, and proceeds to compliment the Jets and their successes.  Local TV then takes a huge dump on Cromartie.

My favorite part is how the “Kids” stat is starred for the Jet, with names on the bottom.  Why would he name a kid after the asshole of America?  And Myjunia?  Your what now?  Name your next kid La’Quarium, its a great name.

Wednesday:  Pats practice football, Jets probably sit on their asses smelling feet or making babies.

Thursday:  Wes Welker with pure ownage.  Take some notes, Antonio.  This is how you insult somebody.  Subtly.  Cleverly.  Wittily.  You don’t throw a “f**k him,” its plain old and boring.  You conjure up something intelligent, which may prove difficult for you.  Here, Wes takes jabs at your foot-loving coach, but he’s not out there exclaiming “HEY REX YOU LIKE FEET.”

So there you have it, the Patriots utterly dominating the Jets at their own game, and now the Jets have to come into Foxboro and play the best team in the NFL  Rough times for New York.  A one-sided matchup indeed, which keeps me and (secretly keeps you) watching.  Gonna be funny to watch Mark Sanchez sail balls to a different zip code than his receiver’s route.

Bonus awesome super hilarious clip that my buddy George told me about:

almost as wild as Ratatat…

So much to talk about… so naturally the Pats come first.

Why did the Colts have to lose?  Why?  I wanted the Pats to play them so badly in the AFC Championship game.  I’ve raved about it enough, but I still find it difficult to express how much I love watching the two most dominant franchises of the 2000’s square off on the gridiron.  Nothing beats it.  The only scenario in which the Pats playing the Colts could be matched would be any sort of competition between said matchup and Tom Brady’s hair, in which case the universe would implode and all that we know would go to smithereens.  But me sobbing over the Colts’ L isn’t going to fix anything, and the Jet’s are still checking into Foxboro for Sunday.

If the Colts had to lose to somebody in the playoffs, I would want that somebody to be the Jets.  Instead of playing the Ravens, the Patriots will enjoy their second bye week in a row when Mark Sanchez is sailing balls 10 feet above Braylon Butterfingers’ head.  Either way, the Jets’ trainwreck of an offense will put up squadoosh on the scoreboard.  And what’s even better about an easy opponent is the unjustified sh*ttalking that tags along with it.  Rex Ryan’s memory must be in terrible condition because he seems to have forgotten that barely a month ago this was his face:

I know, pretty priceless image right?  I can’t wait until the Pats blow them out of Sunday again, and Rex still thinks he’s gonna win a Super Bowl.  Gonna go something like, “We got our butts kicked today.  No denying that.  But we’re still going to win a Super Bowl.  We’re still the best team in the league.  The NFL says we’ve been eliminated from the playoffs, but I’m not scared.  I’m not afraid of anything.  We’ll be hoisting that Lombardi Trophy in a few weeks.  It’s personal.”  Can someone just stick a foot in Rex’s mouth at this point?


Next up: the Seattle Seaflukes.

I gotta give it to Matt Hasselbeck, only because he is from the same tiny MA town as me.  He played one hell of a game.  Props to him.  But as good of a performance as it was, I’m pretty sure everyone (including Pete Carroll and the Seahawks) knows the Saints go bird hunting and succeed nine times out of ten, which is why I hate playoff upsets.  Let’s be honest here, the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl is like the Lakers or Celtics not winning the NBA Finals; nobody gives a flying f*ck.  Maybe if Seattle finished 8-8 or better, they would be worthy of big rocks on rings.  Too bad they finished 7-9 and by dumb playoff seeding systems not only did they make the playoffs over the 10-6 G Men, they hosted the 11-5 Saints.  Utter BS.  Go home Seahawks.

Now I know, all y’all haterade sippers are probably saying, “Well Mr. Big Pats fan, the 2001 Patriots were pretty big underdogs too.  By your logic, wouldn’t it be better if the Rams won the Super Bowl, right?”  Wrong.  The 2001 Patriots finished 11-5, plenty worthy of Super status.  But the big difference here is that the 2001 Patriots were the beginning of the best football decade for any team.  Ever.  EVER!  I will name my first born Marshawn if the 2010 Seahawks are followed by three Lombardi Trophies, a perfect regular season, and on their way to a fourth Super Bowl.  Too bad they are a true fluke, and will in all likeliness miss the playoffs next year thanks to a rejuvenated Jim Harbaugh led 49ers or an Andrew Lucked out Cardinals team.


Finally:  AARON RODGERS!!!!

YEAHHHH!!!!  AARON RODGERS!!!! MY DAWG!!!!  Cooler than ice cold!!!!  You show those Eagles who’s boss around here, you prove once again that a conventional QB beats an oddball QB.  Righty QB’s that wear nice divisible numbers such as 12, 18, 9, and that sit in the pocket and deliver strike after strike always beat weird oddball lefty QB’s who wear prime numbers like 7 and run around using physical ability over intelligence.  The only bad part about this now is that somewhere down the road I have to root for Aaron Rodger’s opponent because I don’t want the Pats playing him in the Superbowl.  Did I mention Aaron Rodgers is now a movie star too?  AARON RODGERS!!!!


Now that we are in the mind of Aaron Rodgers, let’s take a look at some of his thoughts.

“Good joke Brett…. naht… I can’t wait for you to leave Green Bay so I can show the world I’m better than you.”

“Boobs.  Hehehehehe”

“I really just want to say ‘boobs’ on TV.”

“Hot damn I look so cool right now.”

“I’m so much better than you.”

“I’m looking cool again.  And I’m looking exactly like that captain guy from 300 with less facial hair and 20 years younger.”

So we’re three hours into 2011 when I’m writing this, but this realization I had took all of 2010 to surface.  The realization that Nelly and Steve Smith of the Panthers are the same exact person.  Look:


They look quite similar, no?  However, if you look extra extra closely, you will notice that there is absolutely no difference at all.  They look exactly the same.  It’s no wonder why Nelly owns at all of the celebrity all-star games for pro sports.  It also explains why Nelly rapped “Heart of a Champion” and said “that’s why I’m back up at the Superbowl – with Julius Peppers” (Back when Peppers was on the Panthers.)  It all makes sense now!  Wait, actually it doesn’t.  Since when does Steve Smith have the blood of a champion pumpin’ deep inside his veins, too much pride to be runnin’?  Steve Smith has won jack diddly squat.  I don’t like Steve Smith.