Archive for February, 2011

Umm… Celtics?

Posted: February 24, 2011 in sports
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Did I just watch Inception or something?  Cause my confuse-o-meter is going bananas.  What in the hell could the Celtics possibly have been thinking when they traded Perk and Nate for OKC’s Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic?  Nenad who??  Krstic?  How do you even pronounce that?  And dumping Semih Erden and Luke Harangody for a 2nd round pick from the Cavs?  What’s up with that?

Last time I checked, the Celtics own the best record in the East are competing for an NBA title.  And last time I checked, you don’t win NBA titles by shipping off defensively and reboundly (love making up words) proficient players.  Semih had been an up and coming young center, but he’s gone too.  KG can’t play center and neither can Not-Big-Enough-Baby.  That Nenawhatever the fuck (this trade agonizes me so much that I’m not even going to star out my swears anymore.) guy that we traded for is a center who averages 4.4 rebounds per game.  That leaves us with… ABSOLUTELY NOBODY to fill the void at the center position until Shaq returns, and who knows how long he’ll last.  We get it, Danny Ainge, you’re proving you don’t need to compensate, but we still need big guys on the squad!

And you don’t trade the little man that ignites the bench and energizes the team.  Nate was like three packs Duracell batteries dunked in a bunch of shots of 5 Hour Energy, all sake-bombed into cups of Red Bull and Monster.  And the Celtics would drink that shit.  That shit was good.

Who’s gonna jump on Big Baby’s back and wipe his drool?

Who’s gonna flip over Paul Pierce?

This just doesn’t stack up for me.  The Celtics have the best shot at winning a championship this year, before Miami plays more cohesively, before the Amarelo Stoudanthony build yet another evil empire in New York, before the Lakers remember the damage they’re capable of dishing, and most importantly, before our big 3’s bones turn to dust because they’re all senior citizens.  Now that the front office has drastically diminished our chances of making that title run happen, we Celtics fans can no longer expect rings.  I won’t be surprised if we lose in the first round of the playoffs.  The C’s had no need to rebuild either; Perk and Rondo were supposed to be the future of the club.  Now Perk’s gone, leaving Rondo guessing at who his veteran co-leader will be when he has to develop the young guns.  So what in the flying fuck was Danny Ainge thinking?  This better be some secretly brilliant Bill Belichick-Randy Moss-trade type shit.

Happy Birthday, Rajon Rondo!!!!

Posted: February 22, 2011 in sports
Tags: ,

To defining the point guard position

To flashiness and style points

To speed and quickness

To staying out of jail for committing grand theft Rondo on a nightly basis


Bottoms up!

I don’t drool over 90 foot alley-oops like an idiot.

Sweet dude, D-Wade threw a 90 foot pass.  Sweet LeBron, you caught it and laid it in.  Then you proceeded to scurry back to the other side of the court like it was nothing and you’re focused on defense or something.  Quit the facade, we all know in your head you just had a huge orgasm.  Underreacting to a play often ups your douchebaggery level more than overreacting does.  Words of wisdom LeBron: if a 90 foot alley-oop against the Pacers is a season highlight for you, which it will be because we all know you’ll go home at the hands of the Celtics again, at least relish the moment and celebrate.  Flex your guns or something.  In the meantime, I’ll enjoy Boston’s ways of winning without unnecessary and overly dramatic plays.

Somehow, the team-player theme resonates through Boston teams, (goes to show how f*cking awesome and smart the city is,) and it results in W’s.  This year Tom Brady threw the most touchdowns and the Pats scored the most points.  Wait–is it too soon to talk about the Pats?  If you can’t endure it, just skip down a few lines.  Anyway, Tom Brady threw the most touchdowns, but I can’t replay more than a couple of them in my head.  Know why?  Because the vast majority of them were casual, well executed touchdowns.  I’ll take a sh*tload of perfectly thrown 7 yard touchdowns any day over a few 50 yard one-handed catch touchdown bombs that earn Sportscenter top 10 spots.  7 yards from a touchdown usually implies the Pats methodically dismantled a defense to get there, and a ball caught with two hands means Tom Brady threw a strike; one handed catches imply bad throws.  I don’t need a 90 yard Vick-Jackson touchdown to waste my pride on, I’ll take a 14-2 season instead (I’ll gut whoever mentions the Jets.)  Anyway, the Celtics operate with the same mentality, and guess what: we’re the best team in the east.  Besides the flash Rondo provides, the team has no need for excessive plays.  If we can find ways to easily lay the ball in, why waste energy on cross-court passes?  The results speak for themselves, we’re ahead of Miami.  I’ll cash in my teams’ highlight reels for wins all day erryday.

A sick, twisted joke.  I’m ashamed to be a Boston University Terrier.  They lost last night to Harvard in the consolation game of the Beanpot, while our arch-rival Sunday schoolers who live in Newton but brand themselves “Boston” College Eagles won the Beanpot, again.  We lost to Harvard!  HARVARD!!!!  A bunch of skinny twig nerds who rate their women using the formula 2n + 1 where n is the girl’s actual hotness out of 10.  So a girl who is a 4 anwhere else is a 9 at Harvard because thats how ugly that disgusting community of book dwelling anti socials is.  And we lost to them.  In the consolation game.  I thought blowing a 3rd period lead in the first game of the Beanpot against BC, to lose in overtime, right after I talked a bunch of sh*t to my BC friends that I saw at the game, was insulting enough.  Apparently not.  Remember that time a few months ago when BU was ranked number 1 in the country for one week?  Well that was a f*cking tease.

Hey LeBron…

Posted: February 15, 2011 in sports
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You haven’t beat the Celtics this year.  Guess who  you’ll probably have to play again in the postseason.  Maybe over the summer you should have held a TV special for going to a Western Conference team.  Wait, then you’d have to play the Lakers and Spurs.  You know what the Celtics, Lakers and Spurs all have?



Hell even your teammate D-Wade has a ring.  You have 0.  I have as many as you.

AARON RODGERS PUT DA TEAM ON HIS BACK.  24/39 for 304, 3 TD, 0 INT.  Now that’s what I call an MVP performance by a stud who’s going to stick around for a long time.  As miserable as these past three weeks have made my life, last night’s silver lining set me into natural high mode, stoked to see Aaron Rodgers and a deserving team bring the Lombardi trophy to its root organization.  The Packers textbookedly (I think I just made up a word) won the football game–they jumped out to an early lead, capitalized off Pittsburgh’s blunders, and made big plays when they needed them.  The 3rd and 10 Aaron Rodgers skinny post to Greg Jennings late in the 4th quarter that for all intents and purposes sealed the game served as a microcosm of two individual season story lines:  Gweg Jennins puttin da team on his back, and Aaron Rodgers excelling into extraterrestrial unconscious mode.  The Super Bowl overall earns a 9/10 for me.  (Last year was probably an 8/10, 9.5 for the Cards-Steelers, and a negative 900/10 for Feb 3, 2008, the date that never existed.  Not on my calender anyway.)

Congrats to the elite organization of the Pittsburgh Steelers for making it to yet another title game.  There’s no shame in losing to Aaron Rodgers.

Go Pack go, congratulations to the entire organization and Aaron Rodgers.


So long to another NFL season, perhaps the last for a few long years.  Glad it ended on a positive note.

Hockey and paces are fu*king awesome

Posted: February 4, 2011 in sports
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Who saw last night’s Bruins-Stars game?  Check it:

3 fights in 4 seconds?  2 goals for the Bruins in 1:20?  That’s so damn awesome, that if you spread those numbers out for an entire game, you’d end up with 900 fights and the B’s would win 45-0!  900 fights!!!! 45 to nothing!!!!  There’d be so many hats on the ice the mad hatter would become be happy.  I love keeping track of paces.  Paces are the best.  Like that time last year when the Patriots took a giant sh*t on the Titans, 59-0.  Tom Brady threw 5 touchdowns in 9:44.  If you spread that out over an entire season, Brady would have thrown 493 touchdowns!  Peace out Brett Favre’s career record!

Anyway, go watch more hockey.  It involves  all human skill sets: speed, strength, agility and an absurd amount of coordination.  Hockey’s great.  So is NHL 11.

Four Celtics named All-Stars

Posted: February 4, 2011 in sports
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Yeah, our TEAM is that good.

Team captain, scorer and clutch moment performer no.1, Paul Pierce

Big man, star defender, and emotional leader Kevin Garnett

Three point and pure shooting specialist, clutch moment performer no.2, Ray Allen

Tempo setting, ball hawking, quarterbacking assist disher Rajon Rondo


If that’s not the definition of a team, I don’t know what is.  Each of these integral players is no more important than the others; these four all-stars are like a US Navy Seal team–when they communicate and work in sync, you and terrorist radicals are dead.  And the Black Mambas and Heat could definitely pass or terrorist clans.




Look at what Aaron Rodgers is rocking around his neck!  You know what it is!  Black and yellow Dre Beats!! Where can I get myself a pair?!  By the way, is every Packer-owned object composed at least partially of the color yellow?  The beats A-Rod and Greg Jennings (right behind the sex machine) are wearing, Rodgers’ yellow Nike swooshed backpack, and even Jennings’ camera has yellow accents (a black and yellow camera, of course.)

I can also deduce two facts from the button on Rodgers’ suit:

1.  Aaron Rodgers knows his suit code.  See how the top button is buttoned and the bottom one is left unbuttoned?  On a two button suit, you never button the bottom button.  It’s just suit code.  Aaron Rodgers knows his suit code.

2.  Rodgers had been listening to tunes before he buttoned the suit.  See how the wire runs underneath the button?  Just something I noticed.


Anyway, I leave you with these two Packer bits:

I got this shirt and you should get it too!  Visit


and numero dos, you know what it is:


Big ups to my dawg George for introducing me to awesome blog topics