Archive for August, 2011

NFL Quarterback Power Rankings

Posted: August 18, 2011 in sports

I’m bored at work.  Every day I spend about 60% of my hours reading about the NFL.  Here’s what’s gathered in my domepiece:

Everyone knows by now, through their own common sense or ESPN and NFL Network’s commonplace media cliches, that the NFL is a “quarterback’s league.”  True fact.  So let’s rank some QBs, shall we?  For the purposes of saving my time, and because I don’t give a hoot about bottom feeders, I’m only going to rank however many I feel the need to rank.  AND BECAUSE IT’S MY DAMN BLOG.  SO I GET TO POWER TRIP.

1st Tier: Asymptotes–You Can’t Touch These Guys

1A and 1B: Tom Brady and Peyton Manning

Invariably the top two quarterbacks in the league.  I just don’t see how anyone can argue otherwise, whether it’s Peyton then Tom, or Tom then Peyton–I consider them equal.  Consistent MVP candidates, record holders, Super Bowl Winners, they have it all.  The difference between the two?

Pure quarterbacking-ly-wise, Peyton is better.  More accurate, better thrower.  Fits balls into the tightest of windows.  But Brady is better in the intangible department.  Unmatched fire, leadership, image, wife, etc.  He’s got that prototypical quarterback image.  You know what I’m talking about, pocket passer, righty, 6’4, wears a nice ever number (12), simple name.  I mean, Tom Brady.  What a quarterback name.  Keep in mind that when I say Manning or Brady is better at something, its by a hair.  These guy’s are neck and neck in my book.

2nd Tier: MVPs

3. Aaron Rodgers

Of Course, the fresh memory of Rodgers hoisting a Lombardi trophy influences the ranking here.  But that doesn’t take away from his incredible skill set.  Also a prototypical QB, (named Aaron Rodgers, wears number 12, righty, etc.) but can run as well–a nice plus.

4. Drew Brees

I’d put him above Rodgers, but to adhere to the fresh memory theme, he’s coming off a season with 22 picks.  He’ll fix that though; he’s one of the most accurate passers in the game.  He’s also a communist–distributes the wealth evenly among his pass catchers.  Not actually a commy though.  If you follow him on Twitter or know his character even just slightly, you know he’s an incredibly outstanding figure.  Don’t forget that it was Brady, Manning, and this guy, that led the charge against the owners during the lockout.  Stand-out human being.

5. Ben Roethlis-whatever

Surprising to see him this high on the list?  I don’t think so.  Accolades up the ying yang for this hamburger guy, and he’s still got a lot left in the tank.  2 Super Bowls, edged out of one last season, and a consistent winner.  Credit the Steeler’s as a team for the Super Bowls (like Brady pre-2006) but he’s a pure winner.  Keeps plays alive for 10-12 seconds, evades heat seaking missiles, and is underrated with the deep throw bombs.

3rd Tier: Elite QBs

6. Phil Rivers

Super Bowl Ring Owner’s Club!  No Phils Allowed.

Aww shucks, that’s the only thing keeping him from the 2nd tier.  4700+ yards last year, 101.8 rating (only behind you know who!) great quarterback.  Kind of a d-bag for playing in San Diego and I don’t like him one bit, but he has that wow factor.  If only Norv Turner could do something with that top ranked offense AND defense…

7. Michael Vick

Why did I bring up the prototypical QB?  Because of Mike Vick.  He’s spectacularly talented and, as everyone says, a “freakish athlete.”  No question.  Two pronged attacked with the AT-4 Heat rocket launcher on the left arm, and the Lamborghini engines on the feet.  But he’s not the quinesssential QB.  In fact, he’s the polar opposite.  Left handed, scrambles a ton, funny looking release of the ball, wear’s number 7 (a prime (non-factorable) number,) wears a visor, last name starts with a V, etc.  I don’t know if I can trust a guy who doesn’t have the image of a QB.  That, and I’d take a defense-reading pick-aparter rather than a speedy playmaker.

8. Matt Ryan

Prototypical.  Pocket passer, even number, right handed, simple name of Matt Ryan, you get it by now.  On the rise and on the way to the 2nd tier.  The addition of Julio Jones should only make him better.  What a shame though, he went to BC.

9. Tony Romo

I love his Romobility.  I love his golf game.  I love his women.  You could call me a Romosexual and I wouldn’t be offended.  But seriously, I understand that the Cowboy’s sucked last year (we’ll get to that at some point, cause they didn’t actually suck) and I understand that the NFL’s evolution is faster than times at Ridgemont High, but lets not forget that he was out almost all of last season.  And the Season before that, he was a Pro-Bowler who turned Miles no-name Austin into a stud, spoiled the Saints’ perfect season and led the Cowboys to their first playoff win since before the founding of Dallas.  And that was all under Wade Phillips.  I mean Wade Phillips.  Does it get any worse?  Now with Dez Bryant maturing into a superstar, and Jason Garrett (whom I really like as their coach,) at the helm, and a fresh start, he should be even better than two seasons ago.  He’ll likely hop up a couple places, but he’s gotta perform first.

10. Mark Sanchez

lol just kidding.  I think it’s hilarious that if he was on the Patriots, he’d be 4th on the depth chart at QB.  I’d realistically put him at like 35 or 40 on this list.


Well, that’s all I’m ranking for now.  Legends, MVPs, and Elite quarterbacks.  Anyone else is Very Good at best (pointing at you, Schaub, Flacco, Freeman.)

Honorable mentions (or just guys I have something to say about)

Sam Bradford

On the rise.  Would be an MVP some day if he had an Aaron Rodgers type career (learn as a backup from a legend QB for a few years before starting.)  Might still reach that level soon despite being thrown into action so soon.

Kevin Kolb

I’m totally buying this 5 year 63 million dollar contract or whatever it is.  Like the Cowboys, people seem to forget that the Cardinals were a playoff team in 08 and 09.  That Kurt Warner looked like an MVP.  I trust Kolb to figure out that just chucking the ball 50 yards in Larry Fitzgerald’s direction actually does work (see Cardinals’ Super Bowl run.)  Plus, I think Kolb has the talent.  Out of his 7 career starts, he was player of the week twice, with some beautiful deep strikes to DeSean Jackson.  Pretty good thrower.  We’ll just have to see how the season unfolds.