Happy Birthday, Rajon Rondo!!!!

Posted: February 22, 2011 in sports
Tags: ,

To defining the point guard position

To flashiness and style points

To speed and quickness

To staying out of jail for committing grand theft Rondo on a nightly basis

 

Bottoms up!

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I don’t drool over 90 foot alley-oops like an idiot.

Sweet dude, D-Wade threw a 90 foot pass.  Sweet LeBron, you caught it and laid it in.  Then you proceeded to scurry back to the other side of the court like it was nothing and you’re focused on defense or something.  Quit the facade, we all know in your head you just had a huge orgasm.  Underreacting to a play often ups your douchebaggery level more than overreacting does.  Words of wisdom LeBron: if a 90 foot alley-oop against the Pacers is a season highlight for you, which it will be because we all know you’ll go home at the hands of the Celtics again, at least relish the moment and celebrate.  Flex your guns or something.  In the meantime, I’ll enjoy Boston’s ways of winning without unnecessary and overly dramatic plays.

Somehow, the team-player theme resonates through Boston teams, (goes to show how f*cking awesome and smart the city is,) and it results in W’s.  This year Tom Brady threw the most touchdowns and the Pats scored the most points.  Wait–is it too soon to talk about the Pats?  If you can’t endure it, just skip down a few lines.  Anyway, Tom Brady threw the most touchdowns, but I can’t replay more than a couple of them in my head.  Know why?  Because the vast majority of them were casual, well executed touchdowns.  I’ll take a sh*tload of perfectly thrown 7 yard touchdowns any day over a few 50 yard one-handed catch touchdown bombs that earn Sportscenter top 10 spots.  7 yards from a touchdown usually implies the Pats methodically dismantled a defense to get there, and a ball caught with two hands means Tom Brady threw a strike; one handed catches imply bad throws.  I don’t need a 90 yard Vick-Jackson touchdown to waste my pride on, I’ll take a 14-2 season instead (I’ll gut whoever mentions the Jets.)  Anyway, the Celtics operate with the same mentality, and guess what: we’re the best team in the east.  Besides the flash Rondo provides, the team has no need for excessive plays.  If we can find ways to easily lay the ball in, why waste energy on cross-court passes?  The results speak for themselves, we’re ahead of Miami.  I’ll cash in my teams’ highlight reels for wins all day erryday.

A sick, twisted joke.  I’m ashamed to be a Boston University Terrier.  They lost last night to Harvard in the consolation game of the Beanpot, while our arch-rival Sunday schoolers who live in Newton but brand themselves “Boston” College Eagles won the Beanpot, again.  We lost to Harvard!  HARVARD!!!!  A bunch of skinny twig nerds who rate their women using the formula 2n + 1 where n is the girl’s actual hotness out of 10.  So a girl who is a 4 anwhere else is a 9 at Harvard because thats how ugly that disgusting community of book dwelling anti socials is.  And we lost to them.  In the consolation game.  I thought blowing a 3rd period lead in the first game of the Beanpot against BC, to lose in overtime, right after I talked a bunch of sh*t to my BC friends that I saw at the game, was insulting enough.  Apparently not.  Remember that time a few months ago when BU was ranked number 1 in the country for one week?  Well that was a f*cking tease.

Hey LeBron…

Posted: February 15, 2011 in sports
Tags: ,

You haven’t beat the Celtics this year.  Guess who  you’ll probably have to play again in the postseason.  Maybe over the summer you should have held a TV special for going to a Western Conference team.  Wait, then you’d have to play the Lakers and Spurs.  You know what the Celtics, Lakers and Spurs all have?

 

 

Hell even your teammate D-Wade has a ring.  You have 0.  I have as many as you.

AARON RODGERS PUT DA TEAM ON HIS BACK.  24/39 for 304, 3 TD, 0 INT.  Now that’s what I call an MVP performance by a stud who’s going to stick around for a long time.  As miserable as these past three weeks have made my life, last night’s silver lining set me into natural high mode, stoked to see Aaron Rodgers and a deserving team bring the Lombardi trophy to its root organization.  The Packers textbookedly (I think I just made up a word) won the football game–they jumped out to an early lead, capitalized off Pittsburgh’s blunders, and made big plays when they needed them.  The 3rd and 10 Aaron Rodgers skinny post to Greg Jennings late in the 4th quarter that for all intents and purposes sealed the game served as a microcosm of two individual season story lines:  Gweg Jennins puttin da team on his back, and Aaron Rodgers excelling into extraterrestrial unconscious mode.  The Super Bowl overall earns a 9/10 for me.  (Last year was probably an 8/10, 9.5 for the Cards-Steelers, and a negative 900/10 for Feb 3, 2008, the date that never existed.  Not on my calender anyway.)

Congrats to the elite organization of the Pittsburgh Steelers for making it to yet another title game.  There’s no shame in losing to Aaron Rodgers.

Go Pack go, congratulations to the entire organization and Aaron Rodgers.

 

So long to another NFL season, perhaps the last for a few long years.  Glad it ended on a positive note.

Hockey and paces are fu*king awesome

Posted: February 4, 2011 in sports
Tags: , ,

Who saw last night’s Bruins-Stars game?  Check it:

3 fights in 4 seconds?  2 goals for the Bruins in 1:20?  That’s so damn awesome, that if you spread those numbers out for an entire game, you’d end up with 900 fights and the B’s would win 45-0!  900 fights!!!! 45 to nothing!!!!  There’d be so many hats on the ice the mad hatter would become be happy.  I love keeping track of paces.  Paces are the best.  Like that time last year when the Patriots took a giant sh*t on the Titans, 59-0.  Tom Brady threw 5 touchdowns in 9:44.  If you spread that out over an entire season, Brady would have thrown 493 touchdowns!  Peace out Brett Favre’s career record!

Anyway, go watch more hockey.  It involves  all human skill sets: speed, strength, agility and an absurd amount of coordination.  Hockey’s great.  So is NHL 11.

Four Celtics named All-Stars

Posted: February 4, 2011 in sports
Tags: , ,

Yeah, our TEAM is that good.

Team captain, scorer and clutch moment performer no.1, Paul Pierce

Big man, star defender, and emotional leader Kevin Garnett

Three point and pure shooting specialist, clutch moment performer no.2, Ray Allen

Tempo setting, ball hawking, quarterbacking assist disher Rajon Rondo

 

If that’s not the definition of a team, I don’t know what is.  Each of these integral players is no more important than the others; these four all-stars are like a US Navy Seal team–when they communicate and work in sync, you and terrorist radicals are dead.  And the Black Mambas and Heat could definitely pass or terrorist clans.

AWWWWW YEAHHHH.

 

 

Look at what Aaron Rodgers is rocking around his neck!  You know what it is!  Black and yellow Dre Beats!! Where can I get myself a pair?!  By the way, is every Packer-owned object composed at least partially of the color yellow?  The beats A-Rod and Greg Jennings (right behind the sex machine) are wearing, Rodgers’ yellow Nike swooshed backpack, and even Jennings’ camera has yellow accents (a black and yellow camera, of course.)

I can also deduce two facts from the button on Rodgers’ suit:

1.  Aaron Rodgers knows his suit code.  See how the top button is buttoned and the bottom one is left unbuttoned?  On a two button suit, you never button the bottom button.  It’s just suit code.  Aaron Rodgers knows his suit code.

2.  Rodgers had been listening to tunes before he buttoned the suit.  See how the wire runs underneath the button?  Just something I noticed.

 

Anyway, I leave you with these two Packer bits:

I got this shirt and you should get it too!  Visit http://www.sconnie.com/products/view/1863/160

 

and numero dos, you know what it is:

 

Big ups to my dawg George for introducing me to awesome blog topics

Before you look at the title and completely disregard this post because snow sports aren’t too mainstream, please give it at least a read

The Winter Xgames and Snow Sports

They need more publicity.  Few people pay the appreciation these winter sports athletes deserve.  Except snowmobilers.  Who the hell snowmobiles.  Who, in their childhood, when asked in a second grade class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” answers, “A professional snowmobiler!!!!”  How the hell do you even get the chance to learn tricks on a snowmobile, which are unoriginal blatant ripoffs of dirtbike tricks.  Anyway, skiers and snowboarders shine above these sledding jokesters, because they have:

1. HUGE BALLS

2. Tremendous control of the entire body

3. An incredible sense of balance

4. Amazing executional skills

5. Style and ease = steeze

1.  Huge Balls!

Does your crotch area house balls as big as freeskier Tom Wallisch’s?  The risk of injury when flying distances of up to 100+ feet (yes, 100 feet from takeoff to landing) outweighs that of almost every other sport, besides football, because in football superhumans who are stronger and faster than just about everybody on this planet are on a mission to end your day.

2. Tremendous control of the entire body

Skiers entering competitions today won’t earn a podium place if they don’t bring a top-of-the-pack arsenal of tricks.  These days, this top tier consists of double corks (i’ll explain in a second) mixed in with at least three full rotaions, culminating in what we call a double cork 1260 (1,260 degrees of rotation.)  A cork essentially means that when you spin, your axis of rotation changes. When you normally spin, your head stays directly over your feet, as if you were a ballerina or figure skater.  However, when you cork a rotation, your head does not stay over your feet the entire time–at a point your feet are over your head.  When these pros do double corks, this means they start the spin with their head over their feet, then their feet go over their head, then their head goes back over their feet (completing one full cork,) then their feet go back over their head, then their head goes back over their feet (completing two full corks,) then they land.  All while doing three and a half rotations, grabbing the ski, and making it look easy and stylish.  Yeah I know it’s confusing, but it’s the simplest way I can explain it.  Here’s what it looks like, try to notice the rotations and the subtle corking

This is Bobby Brown’s winning X Games slopestyle run from last year.  The second to last jump is a double cork 1260. Notice the feet going over the head two separate times.

3.  An Incredible Sense of Balance

When skiers jump, they land after  on two sticks that are each about 10cm wide.   Yeah.  Not that wide.  Pretty impressive yeah?  When they slide rails, they balance on two sticks each 10cm wide, perpendicular to a metal pole also about 10 cm wide.  And they don’t only balance on it, they spin on it.  Here, Tom Wallisch does all eight variations of a certain trick.  The trick is a switch up to 270 out.  A switch up is rotating 180 degrees while still sliding (pretty much jumping and and you land your facing the opposite way you were when you took off.)  A 270 means you spin 270 degrees off the rail.  Because you can spin left and right on both the switch up and 270, there are 8 possible combinations.  Here they are:

4. Amazing executional skills

Like golf, skiing is an executor’s sport, whereas sports like baseball and basketball and hockey are predominantly reactor’s sports.  In skiing, it’s all about executing your premeditated run–you can envision what you do in your head.  In a reactor’s sport, you cannot predict what the opposing team is going to do, so you read and react.  Football is a combination of both, which is why it’s f**king awesome.  Skiers must string together a series of perfected carried out tricks, epitomizing execution.  They must learn to spin to the left and spin to the right, which is particularly difficult because people are born with natural tendencies to spin one way of the other.  It’s like being a righty or a lefty, and learning to throw with both hands, or golf lefty and rigthy.  A gold level slopestyle run isn’t just about executing spins both ways–the skier must grab a ski.  If he doesn’t he won’t win.  Straight up.  No matter what.  To think about executing all of these minute details of a proper run can overwhelm a skier, which is why it becomes even more impressive when a full run is completed.

5. Style and ease = steeze

A huge portion of freeSTYLE skiing is steeze:  the mixture of style and ease.  You have to make the trick you are doing look easy while looking good doing it.  If your arms are flailing or you don’t stomp the sh*t out of your landing, good luck to ya winning a gold.  Nobody wants to see an unsure or wobbly landing–you have to look like you just tricked in your sleep.  The king of style today is undoubtedly, guess who, Tom Wallisch.  Pay particular attention to how he rides away after his flawless landings.  Also notice how when he faces forwards when he lands, he throws one arm behind him.  That’s to say “f*ck it, I can do this all day.”

At 21 seconds, Tom Wallisch dips his head down and raises it up, exclaiming the landing.  Yes, it’s done on purpose.  No, I’m not kidding.  If you think I’m full of sh*t delve into the skiing community and get your sh*t kicked.

Now take everything I just said about skiing and apply it to snowboarding.  Snowboarding can keep right up there with skiing.  Now give the snow sport community some respect and attention.  Go to your local mountain and try some jumps and rails and realize just how impressive it is to be able to ride away from one.

In this video you can see some point of view shots, from, once again, Tom Wallisch.  Cool Stuff.

If you’re interested in the freeskiing community, please visit http://www.newschoolers.com/index.html

It’s a great forum where you can learn a multitude of skiing tips and knowledge.  Check it.

Comments?  Questions?  If you’re confused by all this dizzying spinning trick stuff, please ask me.  I live for this sh*t.