Posts Tagged ‘celtics’

Umm… Celtics?

Posted: February 24, 2011 in sports
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Did I just watch Inception or something?  Cause my confuse-o-meter is going bananas.  What in the hell could the Celtics possibly have been thinking when they traded Perk and Nate for OKC’s Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic?  Nenad who??  Krstic?  How do you even pronounce that?  And dumping Semih Erden and Luke Harangody for a 2nd round pick from the Cavs?  What’s up with that?

Last time I checked, the Celtics own the best record in the East are competing for an NBA title.  And last time I checked, you don’t win NBA titles by shipping off defensively and reboundly (love making up words) proficient players.  Semih had been an up and coming young center, but he’s gone too.  KG can’t play center and neither can Not-Big-Enough-Baby.  That Nenawhatever the fuck (this trade agonizes me so much that I’m not even going to star out my swears anymore.) guy that we traded for is a center who averages 4.4 rebounds per game.  That leaves us with… ABSOLUTELY NOBODY to fill the void at the center position until Shaq returns, and who knows how long he’ll last.  We get it, Danny Ainge, you’re proving you don’t need to compensate, but we still need big guys on the squad!

And you don’t trade the little man that ignites the bench and energizes the team.  Nate was like three packs Duracell batteries dunked in a bunch of shots of 5 Hour Energy, all sake-bombed into cups of Red Bull and Monster.  And the Celtics would drink that shit.  That shit was good.

Who’s gonna jump on Big Baby’s back and wipe his drool?

Who’s gonna flip over Paul Pierce?

This just doesn’t stack up for me.  The Celtics have the best shot at winning a championship this year, before Miami plays more cohesively, before the Amarelo Stoudanthony build yet another evil empire in New York, before the Lakers remember the damage they’re capable of dishing, and most importantly, before our big 3’s bones turn to dust because they’re all senior citizens.  Now that the front office has drastically diminished our chances of making that title run happen, we Celtics fans can no longer expect rings.  I won’t be surprised if we lose in the first round of the playoffs.  The C’s had no need to rebuild either; Perk and Rondo were supposed to be the future of the club.  Now Perk’s gone, leaving Rondo guessing at who his veteran co-leader will be when he has to develop the young guns.  So what in the flying fuck was Danny Ainge thinking?  This better be some secretly brilliant Bill Belichick-Randy Moss-trade type shit.

I don’t drool over 90 foot alley-oops like an idiot.

Sweet dude, D-Wade threw a 90 foot pass.  Sweet LeBron, you caught it and laid it in.  Then you proceeded to scurry back to the other side of the court like it was nothing and you’re focused on defense or something.  Quit the facade, we all know in your head you just had a huge orgasm.  Underreacting to a play often ups your douchebaggery level more than overreacting does.  Words of wisdom LeBron: if a 90 foot alley-oop against the Pacers is a season highlight for you, which it will be because we all know you’ll go home at the hands of the Celtics again, at least relish the moment and celebrate.  Flex your guns or something.  In the meantime, I’ll enjoy Boston’s ways of winning without unnecessary and overly dramatic plays.

Somehow, the team-player theme resonates through Boston teams, (goes to show how f*cking awesome and smart the city is,) and it results in W’s.  This year Tom Brady threw the most touchdowns and the Pats scored the most points.  Wait–is it too soon to talk about the Pats?  If you can’t endure it, just skip down a few lines.  Anyway, Tom Brady threw the most touchdowns, but I can’t replay more than a couple of them in my head.  Know why?  Because the vast majority of them were casual, well executed touchdowns.  I’ll take a sh*tload of perfectly thrown 7 yard touchdowns any day over a few 50 yard one-handed catch touchdown bombs that earn Sportscenter top 10 spots.  7 yards from a touchdown usually implies the Pats methodically dismantled a defense to get there, and a ball caught with two hands means Tom Brady threw a strike; one handed catches imply bad throws.  I don’t need a 90 yard Vick-Jackson touchdown to waste my pride on, I’ll take a 14-2 season instead (I’ll gut whoever mentions the Jets.)  Anyway, the Celtics operate with the same mentality, and guess what: we’re the best team in the east.  Besides the flash Rondo provides, the team has no need for excessive plays.  If we can find ways to easily lay the ball in, why waste energy on cross-court passes?  The results speak for themselves, we’re ahead of Miami.  I’ll cash in my teams’ highlight reels for wins all day erryday.

Four Celtics named All-Stars

Posted: February 4, 2011 in sports
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Yeah, our TEAM is that good.

Team captain, scorer and clutch moment performer no.1, Paul Pierce

Big man, star defender, and emotional leader Kevin Garnett

Three point and pure shooting specialist, clutch moment performer no.2, Ray Allen

Tempo setting, ball hawking, quarterbacking assist disher Rajon Rondo

 

If that’s not the definition of a team, I don’t know what is.  Each of these integral players is no more important than the others; these four all-stars are like a US Navy Seal team–when they communicate and work in sync, you and terrorist radicals are dead.  And the Black Mambas and Heat could definitely pass or terrorist clans.

Last time I checked…

Posted: December 16, 2010 in sports
Tags: , , , ,

Ankles aren’t supposed to bend 90 degrees sideways.

This ankle sprain usually spells lingering trouble for an ordinary basketball player, like inferior guards such as Derrick Rose.  Luckily for us Celtics fans, Rajon Rondo aka my favorite player in the NBA/the flyest baller on the face of the earth/the most stylish dude ever/jump out of seat ridonkidonk point guard is no ordinary basketball player.  He’ll bounce back strongly in a few weeks, because ballers that do this:

possess super-human abilities.  (By the way, even his webpage is stylish!  http://www.rajonrondo9.com/)  Rondo leads the NBA in assists, averaging over three dimes more per game than number two Steve Nash.  Not only does he dish the rock, but RR’s ability to single-handedly electrify an arena and control the pace of a game is enough for me to watch the Celtics long after the big three retires.  If he’s zipping around the court it’s a quick back and forth game, but if for some reason he’s having an off-night, the game speed slows down.  Teams around the NBA should try to develop more Rondo like point-guards rather than point-scorers; there are four other players on the court that can be given the bucket sinking task.  Even though a team may lose point production from their PG, this loss is made up for, and then some, by the point guard finding wide open looks for his teammates.  Along with a conglomeration of awesome that defines “awesome,” Rondo defines the point guard position.  The Celtics this season can be summed up by this chemical equation:

9Rr (g) + 34Pp (g) + 5Kg (g) + 20Ra (g) + 36Sq (g) + BeNCH (g) –> Championship

Notice all of the elements’ states are (g) for great.  Note that bench is also key compound in making a championship team.  Until Rajon comes back, his void will be filled by the little guy.  I hold the greatest confidence that he will play better than he celebrates.

Sidenote:  Fun fact of the day!  Assists are nicknamed dimes in basketball because back in the 1960s, a pay phone cost dime.  Every time you call someone, you’re making a connection, so the term transferred into basketball, substituting for “assist,” so one day people could write “Rajon Rondo must be rich off all his dimes!”

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New York is so unique right now.  Unique in that no other city is enduring a couple of the most horrific sports weeks in recent memory, while Boston sports teams are flourishing.  And I’m lovin’ every bit of it.  Lets take a closer look at the past few weeks:

Football

New York

  • Rex Ryan talks trash (big surprise there)
  • The Jets fail to score a touchdown as the Patriots steamroll them 45-3
  • The following week, the Jets show they are no more than an average football team by once again failing to score a touchdown in a defeat against the Dolphins, in New York
  • The Jets resort to dangerous cheating, as strength coach Sal Alosi instructs 5 players to stand in a wall as he tries to trip Nolan Carroll.  He receives an indefinite suspension
  • Giants’ WR Steve Smith undergoes knee surgery, out for season

Boston

  • Bill Belichick makes a joke out of Rex Ryan’s trash talking
  • The Patriots do not allow the Jets a touchdown, as they steamroll Gang Green 45-3
  • The following week, the Patriots show they are no less than the best team in the NFl, by once again smoking an opponent in a 36-7 Bear-killing, in Chicago, in blizzard-like conditions
  • The Patriots resort to stomping opponents with passing, rushing, defense, and special teams.  All Patriots staff and players are eligible to participate in week 15.
  • All Patriots WRs stay healthy

I won’t rip on Steve Smith’s injury, because us Boston fans know all about season ending knee injuries.  I’m of course talking about Tony Allen attempting to dunk well after the whistle blew and landing on his knee awkwardly, tearing his ACL and MCL, literally adding insult to injury during an already atrocious season that ended 24-58.

Obviously, I was referring to this and this only.  Nobody else.

But I am going to rip on the Jets… and ohhhh boy do I love ripping on the Jets.  If Katy Perry rewrote “Hot N Cold,” she would include a line about the Pats and Jets somewhere.   I can’t remember a time when the Jets sucked so much and the Patriots were so awesome.  No wait, actually I can: 2001-2009.  This time it’s different though, because Rex Ryan fooled so many people into thinking the Jets were an elite team.  All of his talk convinced America that barely scraping by piss poor teams was the Jets playing “resilient” and “tough” football.  The Jets phonied their ways to the tops of experts’ power rankings and tricked themselves into thinking they were legitimately an elite 9-2 team coming into Foxboro.  During the Monday night game against the Pats, either after the Patriots’ 10th touchdown or Mark Sanchez’s 51st interception (I can’t remember which one), I took a picture of this Jets fan:

My brother took this picture of Rex Ryan after the game.  Almost identical, no?  The only difference I can see is Rex Ryan weighs about 400lbs more than the Jets fan.

For me, watching a Jets fan in a state of severe shock because they foolishly believed their team stood a chance against the Patriots is much more satisfying than seeing their usual face when they play us.  Because the Jets’ record normally truthfully reflects their actual ability to play well, disloyal New York fans usually don’t care and look like this during the NFL season:

Since Jets fans regularly expect the annual two tallies in the L column thanks to the Patriots, it becomes a rarity for us New England fans to see what I so brilliantly captured.  Thus, when we become lucky enough to witness this abnormality, our football fanhood is wonderfully satisfied.

Week 13’s annihilation seemed as good as it gets, until the Jet’s lost at home to Dolphins in week 14.  In a short span of six days, the Jets tumbled from first in the division to playoff berth in jeopardy.  There isn’t much to talk about how poorly they played against Miami; their execution was straight up pathetic tp the point where the only successful task they managed to achieve on this glorious Sunday was Sal Alosi tripping a Dolphin.  Give him credit, guys.  Can you trip a dolphin?  Have you ever even tried tripping a dolphin?  Have you even seen a dolphin?  Alosi tripped that which can not walk.  Pretty amazing if you ask me.  Jokes aside, is this what Rex Ryan preaches after 45-3 defeats?  Is this his definition of rebounding and proving they are for real?  The only for real I have for them is, fo’ real, Rex?  Seriously?  Tripping players is your way of winning against a mediocre football team?  When was the last time anyone saw a championship caliber club commit the stupidest action imaginable?  Doesn’t Sal Alosi know at any given point during an NFL game, at least 14 camera men are filming you?  The organization is in shambles right now.  Luckily, I’ve never been unfortunate enough to catch the crappy disease, but can a New York sports fan tell me if it’s contagious?  Because I think it’s spreading to…

Basketball

New York

  • Knicks have an eight game winning streak before hosting the Celtics
  • Knicks have a one game losing streak after hosting the Celtics

Boston

  • Celtics have a ten game winning streak before playing the Knicks
  • Celtics have an eleven game winning streak after playing the Knicks

Good for the Knicks.  Seriously.  I’m happy that they’re playing well this year, because it’s getting boring to see the Celtics win with ease.  But Wednesday’s game against Boston served as another slice of comic relief for me during finals week here at BU.  Paul Pierce’s game winning shot with 0.4 seconds remaining is fairly soul-crushing as it is for New York fans, but A’mare? Am’are? Ama’re?  Amar’e?  Yeah, I think that’s where the apostrophe goes.  Anyway, as disheartening as it was for Knicks fans to have Pauly P drain a winning bucket, Amar’e Stoudemire just had to sink a game winning three.  Psych! The ball left his hands after the buzzer sounded!  Haha!  Suckers! All of you fans at Madison Square Garden jumped out of your seats for nothing!  As BC fans say to me, sucks to BU!!!!  (It actually doesn’t suck to BU, because our school is actually in Boston.  I can walk to the Prudential Center or Fenway in ten minutes.  “Boston” College is in Newton.)

Baseball

New York

  • Yankees fail to sign Cliff Lee, who signs with the Phillies for $30M less
  • Yankees suck
  • Mets do not make any moves, they continue to be garbage

Boston

  • Red Sox trade for Adrian Gonzalez
  • Red Sox are f**king awesome
  • Red Sox sign Carl Crawford

I love Cliff Lee.  Always have, and now always will.  Mooching a few free meals and time from the Yankees and making Brian Cashman look like a bumbling idiot of a sucker boosts Cliff Lee near the middle of my “Most Awesome Athletes Power Rankings.”  The middle is actually quite good, because nobody comes within 100 feet of Tom Brady in my book.  Plus, Lee is by far the flashiest player in the MLB.  Remember that video I posted a in my last entry?  Well here it is again, because I can’t stop drooling over his calmness during the World Series.  http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=7099837 (I can’t embed it.)  Anyway, the Yankees offered him a 7 year $150M contract, but he told Cashman F U and returned to the Phils for 5 years and $120M.  Suck it Yankees, money bought you jack diddly squat this offseason, and you will eternally suck.  Have fun finishing second to the Red Sox this year in the AL East.  Wait, third.  I keep forgetting the Rays are pretty good.

Do I even have to talk about the Mets?  Should I feel some pity for how terrible they are?  Nah.

All in all, its been a rough (but deserved in my eyes by default of me being a Boston native) few weeks for scumbag New York fans.  So rough that it consumed all my time and I barely said a word about how awesome Boston sports teams are doing.  But I talk enough about that already, and it’s expected.  Hope times like these continue!

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I’d take the over.  Because the forecast here in Boston is championships with a 51% chance of more championships.  Lets be real here, the Patriots are the best team in the NFL, the Celtics are the best team in the NBA, and if it wasn’t for this guy: http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=7099837 the Red Sox would be the best team in the MLB.  Give credit to the Bruins too.  Although Pittsburgh is so hot right now that all Penguins are in danger of going extinct by 2012, the Bruins (especially Tim Thomas) are playing great puck and are a contender for sure.

The Pats are just about a lock for the Super Bowl, and I think they have at least a 450% chance to bring a Lombardi Trophy back to Boston.  The only team in the NFL that scares me as a New England fan right now is the New Orleans Saints.  And not even the Saints.  Just Drew Brees.  But the Patriots young defense keeps improving, so I don’t know if I’ll even still be afraid of Mr. Brees come playoff time.  So if the Pats are a deadlock to win the Super Bowl, only one other Boston team would need to win for the over.

It looks like this years NBA finals matchup will once again be Celtics-Lakers, because the Heat turn cold when they face good teams that can play defense.  And because Rajon Rondo is more bananas than a monkey’s lifetime diet.  The dude has more dimes than the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.  When the Celtics inevitably play the Lakers in the Finals, this time around, lets all hope the absurdly unfair NBA refs don’t call the Celtics for 17 fouls in the 4th quarter of game 7.  But we all know that NBA refs are always favoring international superstar Kobe, so I’ll give the Celtics just a 49% chance of winning the Finals.  And for the sake of more writing.  So by my illogical logic, Boston is at 1.49 championships right now.

After Theo Epstein bolstered the Sox lineup with slugger Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Craw-FordGT, I expect the Red Sox runs per game to hover around 24.5 for the season.  I have no doubts about the Sox being the best team in the AL, but the Phillies scare me–their World Series MVP from 2008 is now their third starter.  The Phillies are the WS favorites, but as much as they scare me, I think the Red Sox are a close second.  The only troubling aspect of the Red Sox is the bullpen because closer Jonathan Papelbon can no longer close a game anymore.  His intimidating glare that used to strike fear into opposing hitters now just makes him look like he’s sucking a tiny D.

If it’s a Sox-Phils World Series, I think the Sox will be underdogs with a 41% chance of winning.  So, by my terrible logic, Beantown is now up to 1.9 championships.

I am no hockey expert, but I know two things:

1. Sidney Crosby is the only thing Canada can do better than the USA, and the Penguins are going to win the Stanley Cup.  99% of my reasoning for this is because they are by far my favorite team to use in NHL 11 the video game.  Feel free to challenge me by the way.  I’ll take you down.  I play on XBox.

2. For the sake of my argument, I’ll give the Bruins a 10% chance of winning a title, upping the best city in the world to 2.0 titles.  So, all in all, it looks like Boston will be racking up two total championships this year.  I have no idea how my logic works, but two championships sounds pretty realistic, right?

Wait no, make it three, because either BU or BC is going to win the NCAA men’s hockey title.  GO TERRIERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me know what you guys think, please leave some comments and voice your own opinion.