Posts Tagged ‘hockey’

Two and a Half Months

Posted: June 9, 2011 in sports
Tags: , , , ,

March 25 marks the last time I posted anything.  Somewhere between deciding that I don’t wanna take the communications path anymore, being sucked in by the in intrigue of wearing a suit to class and BU’s gorgeous School of Management, and my extreme laziness, I stopped writing.

BU’s School of Management.

I wrote the last post, about the grittiness of hockey, two and a half months ago.  That’s a considerable chunk of time right there.  Two and a half months can cover an entire summer.  It’s enough time to make several grand, or phase a trimester during pregnancy, or turn a puppy into a dog.  But nothing that takes two and a half months is exciting, raw, physical, or intense as the Stanley Cup playoffs.  And after last night’s pure domination by the American based Bruins over the Canadian based Canucks, I just had to write something.  I just have so many emotions!!!!

Vancouver’s team is stacked like pancakes.  So much talent not even a Space Bag could compress and contain it all.  The Canucks boast Sweden’s two best players, the identical Sedin twins (who happen to look identical to aliens as well,) America’s best skater in Ryan Kesler, and Canada’s best goalie (at least during the regular season anyway,) Roberto Luongo.  Skillz that killz spilling all over the place with these guys.  But unfortunately for them, the Stanley Cup is 10% luck, 20% skill, 99% concentrated power of will,  5% pleasure, 50% Canucks in ruins, 100% reason to remember the Bruins.  Because so far, even though the series is tied 2-2 and Vancouver still owns home ice advantage in this now best of 3 games series, the B’s are the better team, and their concentrated power of will is willing away the Canucks.

The martian twins and RoCHOKEo Luongo arrived in Boston sitting on a lofty 2-0 lead.  But game one was won with 18 seconds left, game two on a fluke play in OT.  In terms of level of hockey play, this series was tied 1 a piece; the B’s matched every step the Canucks took.  Then the series arrived in the USA and the Canucks suffered a serious beating.  8-1 in game 3, 4-0 in game 4.  Chara and the D shutting down Vancouver’s potent power play, Thomas and his pads lights out.  On the other end, polar opposite Roberto Luongo getting pulled.  After these last few games, I am supremely confident in the Bruins.  No visible weaknesses–the offense is stepping up, role players are pulling more than their own weight, and Thomas is nothing short of spectacular.  No questions lingering.  Wait no that’s a lie.  I do have one question.  After all the raping the Bruins have dished out to punk bitch Alexandre Burrows, I’m left wondering what’s bigger:  the diameter of Burrow’s asshole, or the diameter of each of the five gaping holes in Lu’s goalie play?

It’s really a toss up at this point.  But one thing’s for sure: both diameter’s are massive, and Burrows deserves it.  In fact, the entire Canucks team deserves to continue to be trainwrecked at the hands of the Bruins.  The squad of dirty players just keeps pulling acts of egregious scumbaggery.  The biting and not receiving a suspension was one thing.  Just a little bloody finger.  Whatever.  Scumbag move, but nothing serious.  Then came the open ice hit on Nathan Horton.  Dirty Dirty hit.  I could have microwaved a bag of popcorn in the time between Horton releasing the puck and Aaron Rome delivering a cheapshot.  And then last night, as if he didn’t learn his lesson, Alexandre (who spells Alexander the wrong way,) Burrows whacks Tim Thomas’ stick.  Good thing Thomas showed that bitch who’s boss.  Because in the physical department, the Canucks can’t go head to head with the Bruins.  They’re trying to beat Boston with Boston’s game.  And I hope they keep trying.

Oh by the way the Sox have won 5 straight and are 5-0 in Yankee Stadium this year.  And lead the AL East and have the third best record in the bigs at 35-26 after that miserable 2-10 start (that’s 33-16 since, for those of you that can’t subtract.)  I guess that’s pretty cool too.


Over the past two or three years my opinion regarding hockey has moved from “It’s a silly sport that no one except silly Canadians care about” to “Holy shit, this sport is fucking awesome.”  This year especially, my exponentially increasing fascination with the sport spiked.  Before the start of the current NHL season, I could barely tell you the names of 5 Bruins.  I still don’t consider myself an expert by any means, but I understand a hell of a lot more than I did in September.  A great chunk of credit goes to EA Sports’ NHL 11, which I play way too much, and a great chunk goes to BU hockey; however the lions’ share of credit goes to the fact that hockey is extraordinarily skill oriented, old fashioned, and straight raw.

The skill sets involved with hockey never cease to drop my jaw.  I’d venture to claim that hockey players are the most hand-eye coordinated athletes on the planet.  This conversation includes NFL wideouts and MLB hitters, among other quality stars.  Not to take away from the likes of Larry Fitzgerald and Joe Mauer, but I doubt they could compete with Sidney Crosby or Alex Ovechkin or Pavel Datsyuk.  Take a look at these videos:

I mean talk about some nifty tricks.  Yeah I’ve seen some absurd football catches in my time (football is my favorite sport to watch, after all,) but even those are strictly completed with the hands.  Hockey players use a stick while skating on ice.  Bravo.

I love the old-fashionedness of hockey; you don’t see cheap ass sticks that look like they’re a sword in some nerd’s level 50 wizard staff made from rare elements of the periodic table.  No, hockey sticks are little more than a rectangular stick with a slightly curved head.  They aren’t even ergonomic.  Put it this way: if lacrosse sticks were as old fashioned as hockey sticks, every lax bro would be prancing around in high socks and a polo hat with one of these:


and not one of these:


Golfers would be practicing proper etiquette with a set of these:

and not these:


and Michael Phelps would be competing with Fort Knox for gold supply in one of these:

and not these:


Ok you get the point now.  But one more point on equipment tech.  With the influx of sleek and stylish padding, you’d expect players to look like they stole Batman’s suit.  But nope, they look virtually the same as they did 30 years ago.

Here’s a picture of the 1980 USA national team:

and this past Olympics’ 2010 USA team:

Perhaps the most intriguing aspect of puck play is the rawness of the NHL.  What other league allows its players to fight?  That is assuming, of course, that fighting is not the main purpose of the league, like UFC.  I know there’s some nitpicking dweeb who would say that just to find a flaw in what I’m trying to get across.  In what other league do players (Alex Ovechkin, or so I’ve heard) stuff dip between their toes for the rush?  In what other league do players smile and show off an ugly gap?


Hockey players don’t prance around cracking jokes with their buddies on other teams.  Hockey players disgust each other.  And it makes for a hell of a show.

Bottom line, hockey needs more publicity than it receives here in the USA.  Last night, the Bruins murdered the Canadiens 7-0 in a game with huge playoff implications.  It was the first meeting between the B’s and Habs since Boston D man Zdeno Chara fucked up Max Pacioretty (skip to 1:00 for good views.)

In such a big game, you’d expect ESPN to at least spend some time covering it, but today at the gym I looked up and it was NFL Live with the topic, “How can the Saints get back to the Super Bowl?”  I mean come on, really?  Like I understand that football has a huge following in America and ESPN is maximizing ratings and trying to make a buck (or several billion,) but the Super Bowl is in like 11 months.  And hell there might not even be a Super Bowl next year.  Kind of annoying to see hockey being snubbed like that.  Cause it’s a great sport.




Oh, one other reason why hockey is awesome:

The players’ names sound so cool.

Pavel Datsyuk


Tukka Rask


Toews (pronounced like Taves)



Lundqvist (not a typo)

Manny Malhotra


Evgeni Malkin

Jerome Iginla


Just to name a few, you get the picture.  Just go look up an NHL roster and say some cool sounding words.


A sick, twisted joke.  I’m ashamed to be a Boston University Terrier.  They lost last night to Harvard in the consolation game of the Beanpot, while our arch-rival Sunday schoolers who live in Newton but brand themselves “Boston” College Eagles won the Beanpot, again.  We lost to Harvard!  HARVARD!!!!  A bunch of skinny twig nerds who rate their women using the formula 2n + 1 where n is the girl’s actual hotness out of 10.  So a girl who is a 4 anwhere else is a 9 at Harvard because thats how ugly that disgusting community of book dwelling anti socials is.  And we lost to them.  In the consolation game.  I thought blowing a 3rd period lead in the first game of the Beanpot against BC, to lose in overtime, right after I talked a bunch of sh*t to my BC friends that I saw at the game, was insulting enough.  Apparently not.  Remember that time a few months ago when BU was ranked number 1 in the country for one week?  Well that was a f*cking tease.

Hockey and paces are fu*king awesome

Posted: February 4, 2011 in sports
Tags: , ,

Who saw last night’s Bruins-Stars game?  Check it:

3 fights in 4 seconds?  2 goals for the Bruins in 1:20?  That’s so damn awesome, that if you spread those numbers out for an entire game, you’d end up with 900 fights and the B’s would win 45-0!  900 fights!!!! 45 to nothing!!!!  There’d be so many hats on the ice the mad hatter would become be happy.  I love keeping track of paces.  Paces are the best.  Like that time last year when the Patriots took a giant sh*t on the Titans, 59-0.  Tom Brady threw 5 touchdowns in 9:44.  If you spread that out over an entire season, Brady would have thrown 493 touchdowns!  Peace out Brett Favre’s career record!

Anyway, go watch more hockey.  It involves  all human skill sets: speed, strength, agility and an absurd amount of coordination.  Hockey’s great.  So is NHL 11.

I’d take the over.  Because the forecast here in Boston is championships with a 51% chance of more championships.  Lets be real here, the Patriots are the best team in the NFL, the Celtics are the best team in the NBA, and if it wasn’t for this guy: the Red Sox would be the best team in the MLB.  Give credit to the Bruins too.  Although Pittsburgh is so hot right now that all Penguins are in danger of going extinct by 2012, the Bruins (especially Tim Thomas) are playing great puck and are a contender for sure.

The Pats are just about a lock for the Super Bowl, and I think they have at least a 450% chance to bring a Lombardi Trophy back to Boston.  The only team in the NFL that scares me as a New England fan right now is the New Orleans Saints.  And not even the Saints.  Just Drew Brees.  But the Patriots young defense keeps improving, so I don’t know if I’ll even still be afraid of Mr. Brees come playoff time.  So if the Pats are a deadlock to win the Super Bowl, only one other Boston team would need to win for the over.

It looks like this years NBA finals matchup will once again be Celtics-Lakers, because the Heat turn cold when they face good teams that can play defense.  And because Rajon Rondo is more bananas than a monkey’s lifetime diet.  The dude has more dimes than the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.  When the Celtics inevitably play the Lakers in the Finals, this time around, lets all hope the absurdly unfair NBA refs don’t call the Celtics for 17 fouls in the 4th quarter of game 7.  But we all know that NBA refs are always favoring international superstar Kobe, so I’ll give the Celtics just a 49% chance of winning the Finals.  And for the sake of more writing.  So by my illogical logic, Boston is at 1.49 championships right now.

After Theo Epstein bolstered the Sox lineup with slugger Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Craw-FordGT, I expect the Red Sox runs per game to hover around 24.5 for the season.  I have no doubts about the Sox being the best team in the AL, but the Phillies scare me–their World Series MVP from 2008 is now their third starter.  The Phillies are the WS favorites, but as much as they scare me, I think the Red Sox are a close second.  The only troubling aspect of the Red Sox is the bullpen because closer Jonathan Papelbon can no longer close a game anymore.  His intimidating glare that used to strike fear into opposing hitters now just makes him look like he’s sucking a tiny D.

If it’s a Sox-Phils World Series, I think the Sox will be underdogs with a 41% chance of winning.  So, by my terrible logic, Beantown is now up to 1.9 championships.

I am no hockey expert, but I know two things:

1. Sidney Crosby is the only thing Canada can do better than the USA, and the Penguins are going to win the Stanley Cup.  99% of my reasoning for this is because they are by far my favorite team to use in NHL 11 the video game.  Feel free to challenge me by the way.  I’ll take you down.  I play on XBox.

2. For the sake of my argument, I’ll give the Bruins a 10% chance of winning a title, upping the best city in the world to 2.0 titles.  So, all in all, it looks like Boston will be racking up two total championships this year.  I have no idea how my logic works, but two championships sounds pretty realistic, right?

Wait no, make it three, because either BU or BC is going to win the NCAA men’s hockey title.  GO TERRIERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me know what you guys think, please leave some comments and voice your own opinion.