Posts Tagged ‘Miami’

The Celtics only cry after winning NBA rings.


The Heat cried because they suck too much to:

1. make a game winning shot (they’re shooting 5% when trailing by 2 or fewer with less than 10 seconds left in the game)

2. win at least one game in their past four

3. man the fuck up after losing said four straight and hold back their tears


THEY CRIED?!?!  After four losses in a row… in the regular season?!  Seriously, are we talking about grown men here or a bunch of whiny four year old girls that dropped the top scoop of their three scoop ice cream?  Howbout instead of crying and pitying your own second tier basketball squad, you rally around the losses, accept them for what they are, and start balling better?  Charlie Sheen would definitely not consider this winning.  This would not be banging 7 gram rocks and finishing them all.  And how are they gonna react when they can’t win in the playoffs?  Their atrocious against teams with records of .500 or better will inevitably doom them when they have to play ONLY .500 teams or better (unless a sub-.500 team sneaks into the playoffs in the east, which will happen, because the NBA is kinda silly in that sense.)  Now the Heat are notorious for being a big bunch of pussies who lose because not a single ounce of clutch flows through their blood.  Hell, they’re the goddamn antithesis of clutch.  Don’t like the attention?  Too bad, cause Stan Van Gundy said it perfectly, (I know, who woulda ever thought he would say anything perfectly,) “My suggestion would be if you don’t want the scrutiny, you don’t hold a championship celebration before you’ve even practiced together.”

I don’t drool over 90 foot alley-oops like an idiot.

Sweet dude, D-Wade threw a 90 foot pass.  Sweet LeBron, you caught it and laid it in.  Then you proceeded to scurry back to the other side of the court like it was nothing and you’re focused on defense or something.  Quit the facade, we all know in your head you just had a huge orgasm.  Underreacting to a play often ups your douchebaggery level more than overreacting does.  Words of wisdom LeBron: if a 90 foot alley-oop against the Pacers is a season highlight for you, which it will be because we all know you’ll go home at the hands of the Celtics again, at least relish the moment and celebrate.  Flex your guns or something.  In the meantime, I’ll enjoy Boston’s ways of winning without unnecessary and overly dramatic plays.

Somehow, the team-player theme resonates through Boston teams, (goes to show how f*cking awesome and smart the city is,) and it results in W’s.  This year Tom Brady threw the most touchdowns and the Pats scored the most points.  Wait–is it too soon to talk about the Pats?  If you can’t endure it, just skip down a few lines.  Anyway, Tom Brady threw the most touchdowns, but I can’t replay more than a couple of them in my head.  Know why?  Because the vast majority of them were casual, well executed touchdowns.  I’ll take a sh*tload of perfectly thrown 7 yard touchdowns any day over a few 50 yard one-handed catch touchdown bombs that earn Sportscenter top 10 spots.  7 yards from a touchdown usually implies the Pats methodically dismantled a defense to get there, and a ball caught with two hands means Tom Brady threw a strike; one handed catches imply bad throws.  I don’t need a 90 yard Vick-Jackson touchdown to waste my pride on, I’ll take a 14-2 season instead (I’ll gut whoever mentions the Jets.)  Anyway, the Celtics operate with the same mentality, and guess what: we’re the best team in the east.  Besides the flash Rondo provides, the team has no need for excessive plays.  If we can find ways to easily lay the ball in, why waste energy on cross-court passes?  The results speak for themselves, we’re ahead of Miami.  I’ll cash in my teams’ highlight reels for wins all day erryday.